My Winter Wipeout Experience - Part 4

Note: This is part 4 of 6. I'm posting one part a day. The total word count exceeds 31,000 words so it's going to be a long read. If you missed part 1 you can read it by clicking here, part 2 here and part 3 here!

So I had posed on the rotator table and posed next to the house. Lastly, was the interview with Amanda Byram! Now, it’s amazing how many people who knew I was appearing on Winter Wipeout have asked about meeting Amanda. Amanda was just lovely; she was as genuine off camera as she was on camera. She thoroughly enjoys her job of meeting wacky Brits and being wacky with them, before laughing at them fail on a difficult obstacle course, falling into water and mud. But she’s also really supportive when we do things right and feels sorry for you if you fail badly, as I’d find out. In terms of Amanda Byram’s looks, well, I didn’t think as much of her as a lot of people do, sure she’s a good looking lady but a lot of people fancy the pants off her, while I never did. That being said, she’s a lot prettier in person than she is on the TV. She’s very good looking actually in person. But in honesty, that’s not the thing that stands out the most to me about Amanda. What’s awesome about Amanda is that she doesn’t see herself as a celebrity, nor does she separate herself from the rest of the crew. She hangs out with them, she is one of them. Sure she’s on the TV while the rest of the crew aren’t, but she sees no reason to have special attention when she’s off camera. When we ate our dinner later on, she was sitting with the rest of the crew, her hair tied up, wearing a Total Wipeout hoodie (all the crew have them on). That speaks levels I say, in a world where celebrities see themselves as a superior race to those who film them. Amanda isn’t a celebrity in her eyes, she’s a presenter doing a job that she loves, and is nice to everyone and anyone she sees.

Anyway, onto the interview. Naturally, out of the five in our group, I was once again last. Nick came up to us and told us an outline of what would happen in the interview. She was to ask me these questions, and told me to think about answers to them. The questions she asked me basically are my chances of winning, how long I grew the beard for, if I have any inspirational beardy people, and about my nutrition. I rolled my eyes at the last one; I had no idea that they were going to bring that up! Damn my lack of interest in veggies and fruit! Everyone had their interviews with Amanda, and in honesty, I couldn’t hear what everyone else’s interviews consisted of. They were a little too far away from the sitting area that we were at. At the sitting area were some fruit, so I had a banana. See I do like fruit… some anyway! When it was my turn to have my interview I have to be honest and say, I wasn’t nervous. Have I met celebrities before? Not really, I’ve been to some gigs and met the lead singer from one of my favourite obscure bands (Guy McKnight of The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster), but other than that, I haven’t been in contact with any TV stars or anything. But the whole experience was so surreal that it didn’t really bother me that I was about to meet Amanda Byram. I was quite cool about it. So I walked up to her and she says quite enthusiastically, “Hello John!”, and we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Yes, I kissed Amanda Byram on the cheek. Jealous? It’s not that big a deal! Anyway, they had to prepare the cameras so while they did, Amanda and I had a little chat. It was the only chat I personally had with her, but that doesn’t matter, it was pretty cool. We were whispering and she asked me how I felt, I just told her how surreal the whole thing is. She told me not to worry and to enjoy myself. That was basically all we said, but it was nice to see her reassuring me. Not much time went before everyone was ready and we started filming.

Amanda was lovely in person. She saw herself as a crew member of Endemol, not above anyone because of her celebrity status.

I answered Amanda’s questions; I said who knows if I can win, I’ll be considered an underdog that’s for sure, that I grew my beard for five months at that point. She was surprised at that, she thought I had grown it for a much longer period. In response to beardy inspirations naturally I went for the Henry VIII comparison, one that many people have mentioned. I look like the old king of England and in honesty I’m not ashamed of that. I didn’t have a clue that this reply would have been the outline of my segment of the show! Lastly we talked about my nutrition, I basically explained that I didn’t used to eat veg or much fruit, but for over a year I’ve had to readjust my diet. That was basically it. The interview was quite plain in comparison to what you see on the usual episode of Wipeout, but I answered my questions with confidence. The one thing I liked was that Amanda called me an aspiring journalist rather than an administration assistant in the NHS. Without trying to disrespect my job, the NHS or my service, I’d rather be remembered as the freelance journalist. It’s what I want to do in the future and it’s why you’re on this site at the moment. It’s my aspiration, so it was nice. I gave them the option in honesty; they never really asked me what I would prefer to be called. I put both titles on my application forms and to the end; it was their decision to call me an aspiring journalist. I’m very happy they did.

The group of five returned back to the tent and we all relaxed for a little bit. A few people were there, but we were basically waiting for everyone to finish wrapping up the pre-course aspect of the show. Eventually everyone did, and then we were told to go to the section where they do the intro of the episode. The intro, if you can’t remember or haven’t seen Wipeout, is on a large circular platform, and has all twenty contestants jumping up and down on the spot while the camera hovers above them. It shows some individual face shots of some contestants. They merge this section with clips of the show of people falling off things, while Richard Hammond introduces us to the new episode. So we all got ready on this platform to jump up and down. This was the first time we really got instructed by Andy, the producer, rather than Maisie. We were encouraged to jump up and down and scream and shout as loud as possible. That’s all fine and dandy, but we had to do this for around 3 minutes solid. Then we weren’t loud enough so we had to do it again! So here we all were, shouting “WOO! YEAH!” and other variations for what felt like forever, while my feet were starting to hurt from jumping up and down on the same spot for so long. Eventually, the camera man started zooming in on our faces individually and we all did random poses in front of it. What did I do? I stroked the beard of course! Not only that but the cameraman seemed to like me a lot and zoomed RIGHT IN to my beard. I didn’t know what to do so I just shook my chin at him. I have no idea why, but I did!

The intro to Winter Wipeout. 20 loonies jumping up and down on the spot and shouting for what feels like eternity.

After that was finished, it was time for Andy to talk us through the qualifier. He took us from the start to the finish and talked about techniques and advice. First was the snowmen. The snowmen are basically platforms for you to jump on. Some are held together while others are unstable and if you put your feet in the wrong places you go straight into the water. The second part was Granny’s House. If you didn’t know by now, Granny’s House is a narrow walkway that has two big blue doors that smack you in the face. The first blue door has a little rotating arm that knocks you over if you hesitate. Between the two blue doors is a dog that knocks you over if you don’t jump over it. This time however you don’t fall into water, you fall into a big pit of mud. The third part of the course was the infamous big red balls. The big red balls are the most iconic part of the show. Basically you had to travel down an escalator and jump from one big red ball to the next. The big red balls are high above water, and it’s a long fall if you don’t clear them. Not many people actually beat the big red balls so it’s usually considered a huge achievement if you clear them. Lastly is the log jam. Log jam is two large platforms that move from side to side and try to get you into the water. The first log has a red bar that you have to jump over before you jump onto the second log. After the second log is the finish platform, a decent length away, and you’d have to get a nice clean jump to get on the finishing platform in one go. The course for Winter Wipeout, and I promise I’m not just saying this because I did so badly on it, is much harder than the Total Wipeout courses. Everything feels like its entire purpose to knock you into the water, where as some sections of the older courses had nice parts. Proof in this is also that the times were often a lot slower for the Winter edition than the normal edition.

We were then told the order in which we were to do the course! Andy announced there and then the order. I kept waiting for my name to come up. What was the common theme in my Winter Wipeout experience? You heard me, I was last! Again! I kept waiting and waiting for my name to come out, but it never did until they announced who would be doing the course last. Now, a lot of people thought I’d be disappointed with this, and in a small way I was. After doing the intro section, jumping up and down over and over again for ages, and looking at the actual course close up, my blood was pumping. But I’d rather be last than, say, sixth, because then I’d have to calm myself down before building myself up again in a short amount of time. Being last meant I could wind down for a bit, get focused, and then just go for it. Andy announced that the first ten had to get ready, while the second ten had to go and get some lunch. So me and the other nine people who were going between 11^th and 19^th, all went to lunch in a much larger tent.

Lunch was quite nice actually. It was a basic pasta dish with meatballs. We all just relaxed, while the first ten contestants were getting their arses handed to them by the Winter Wipeout course. After we finished lunch we went back to the tent and just waited. Some of the contestants were there waiting already. The idea was that there were two tents, one that had the contestants that already did the course, and one yet to do it. That way it was fair; no one was allowed to see each other do the course and then the people who have done the course have to separate themselves from the people who didn’t. It was quite well done to be fair. So after lunch we had to wait, and wait and wait. Slowly the numbers started to go, people went in threes or fours to do the course and because I was last, I had to wait a long time. I’d estimate times between people doing the course took around 15 to 20 minutes, depending on how bad or well they did, and how much of the course they needed reset. It was getting quite late when I did it, probably around 5pm.

In the end there were four of us left. The last four? It was me, Natalie, Sam and Ben. When it was our turn to come up, my nerves started to go. I was about to do something that I’d always wanted to do. Something that would appear on television in front of around 4 million people. Something that I would take with me to the grave. Something so hard in task, I knew all a long I’d struggle. But there was no turning back now. I was in Argentina, doing the Wipeout course. Did I think about turning back? A little, but I knew I couldn’t. I knew I had no choice. But most of me didn’t want to turn back, most of me wanted to embrace this opportunity, something that only just over 1000 other Brits have done.

The final four to take the course! They change the lineup round on the actual show. I was last! Ben, Natalie, myself and Sam. Thanks to Ben for this picture!

We had to take the back entrance to the Wipeout course, to avoid spotting anyone doing the course there and then. We were lead by Millie I think, to a hill. This hill looked familiar. It was the hill at the start of the Total Wipeout course. In the first few series of Total Wipeout they used to show characters at the top of the hill. It used to be there that Amanda did the interviews. So I recognised it instantly. It gave me another set of butterflies, knowing I too, would walk up that hill soon. We were taken behind the hill, to a section where there were some Endemol Argentina crew members. They were to put the blue protection gear on us, the ones you see all the contestants wear. This gear was to help you protect against large body shots, but more importantly, to keep you afloat in the water. You simply couldn’t drown on the Winter Wipeout course, unless you kept your head under water in a stupid way anyway!

So the last four, Ben, Sam, Natalie and myself, were behind this hill where we were sized up for our protection gear. Naturally, I was last again. On a stump was a piece of paper with everyone’s names, and the size gear they had. Most people naturally, were wearing Medium or Large protection gear, with the exception of poor Jody, who was so small she had to have an Extra Small. Myself however, I was the only one who was too big to fit in Large. They tried but weren’t able to fit me in the outfit. It was a little embarrassing; despite losing up to two stone I still was too big. They put me in the Extra Small, so Jody and I were on polar opposites for protection gear!

So we all started to get the adrenaline running by jumping up and down on the spot, did a bit of stretching, just to get the blood flowing. One by one, our numbers went. As I said, we were behind the hill but if you looked up, you could see the starting platform, where people did their shoutouts. I think the order was Sam, then Ben, then Natalie then me. So Sam went, and then the nerves really started to kick in. Then Ben went, and I was trying my best to keep myself as calm as possible. Then it was just me and Natalie. We just looked at each other in an “oh my god” type of way. We just couldn’t believe what was about to happen. Then, Natalie went, and I was on my own. Can I just say, we could hear certain things from behind that hill, which was happening on the course. We couldn’t tell you what happened really, but we sometimes heard certain machinery or falls into water, that type of thing. It gave us a small indication on how bad or well people did, and what the machinery sounded like. So, there I was, the last to go, standing behind the hill waiting for my cue. As I said there were probably 20 or 30 minutes or so between each person, so I was waiting a while. At the top of the hill was Maisie, as I said it was in theory ‘her’ show so she was the person who gave us our last words before the qualifier. After Natalie did her thing, Maisie eventually called me up. I took a deep breath and walked down the side of the hill, and then took the long walk up the hill.

I could see the course from the side of the hill. Now that I was about to do it, the nerves and butterflies were at an all time high. I could see the top of the hill, where the starting platform was. I walked towards Maisie who told me not to worry as there’s been some amazing times today and that it’s been an amazing show from everyone. These words were supposed to reassure me but they did the opposite. I don’t blame Maisie for that, by the way. She was trying to get me hyped up and confident, but it’s my own insecurities and lack of confidence that made the reassurance work the wrong way. In my eyes, everyone doing really well was bad for me, in a competitive way. If everyone was good, the chances of me getting through to the second round were slim. She told me that I had to stand in the middle of the platform, and either do some posing or warm up. Then on cue with the main camera, I was to do my shoutout as loud as I can. Then, after a certain amount of time, the horn would go and I would do the qualifier.

So, here I was. At the start of the Winter Wipeout qualifier. My mind kept racing about what I was about to do. I looked in front of me and saw the beginning of the course – the snowmen. Round the side I could see the beginning of Granny’s House. I knew further along were the Big Red Balls and then the Log Jam.

I want to tell you here and now, this moment was the most terrifying of all in this entire experience. Seeing the course with my own two eyes, not on a camera looking down at the course, not from the side of the course, the course right there and in front of you, was horrible. I bricked it terribly. It really dawned on me what I was about to do and it wasn’t going to be nice.

So I jogged on the spot, did some stretches for a bit, eventually the cue came on for me to look at the camera and do my shoutout. I looked at the camera and said “This is for all the bearded men out there, I’m going to show you the way!”, but it wasn’t loud enough. I jogged on the spot a bit more and waited for my second take. This time I said it better. And that was it.

Everything I had done so far amounted to this moment right here and now. Watching “101 Ways to Leave a Gameshow” and seeing “The Human Fling”. Finding out there was no new series and instead opting to apply for Total Wipeout. Getting to the audition in August. Reaching the shortlist two days later. Getting my vaccinations. Going to Argentina, meeting the other contestants and Amanda. It all came down to this. I was so nervous, but I was as ready as I was going to be. I was just waiting for that horn to go off. It felt like a million years. But this was it! I was about to do the qualifier! Me vs the Winter Wipeout course! A place in the next round at stake and an opportunity to win £10,000! The horn went and it all began!

Nothing can prepare you for being on that podium, looking down at the course. No training, no preparation. Nothing.

So the horn went off and I ran towards the snow men. If you haven’t seen the show there are two sets of snowmen to choose, some on your left and on your right. I instinctively went to my right. I jumped for the first snowman no problems. I then jumped to the second snowman and it went forwards. I divided for the next platform and had hold of it with my hands. I tried my hardest to hold on, to try and pick myself up and pull upwards but I just didn’t have the strength, and fell into the water.

So close yet so far away. Who knows how well I would have done if I cleared the snowmen? Nah, it wouldn't have made much difference.

It was my first taste of the Wipeout water and it was then I really realised what mountain a task I was up against. The water was so deep, incredibly deep. And the protection gear was helping me to keep afloat. I recovered as quickly as I can and coughed a little, I had a mouth full of water. I knew I had to react quickly if I had any chance of beating the qualifier. The protection gear I was in however, made it incredibly difficult to swim, its purpose was to keep you afloat and it kept pushing me upwards when I kept attempting to do the front crawl but struggled for two reasons; the protective gear and the deep deep water. I’m not a bad swimmer, I’m not great either but I can swim in the deep end of a standard pool but this was much deeper than that. It felt like I was completely engulfed by the water and the protection gear really made things harder. It’s no excuse for my performance; I got 19^th because I wasn’t good enough, not because of the protection gear or the water. But I really struggled.

I started to swim towards Granny’s House before realising that I was going the wrong way – I had two more snowmen to cross. I started to backtrack towards the second ladder and it was here and then, that I confess, that I felt like forfeiting.

I really struggled in that water and by going the wrong way, my time felt like it was at least 3 minutes. Obviously I had no idea what my time was, but that’s what I had estimated in my head. Most people who go through the next round do it in less than 4 minutes, and I was not even at the halfway point, so what was the point in continuing? I really wanted to quit, but I then thought to myself – no! Don’t quit! You beat tens or hundreds of thousands of people just to get here! You beat thousands in the auditions for this opportunity! Only around 1000 people from Britain have done it before you! Don’t you even DARE quit! So I swam towards the ladder and started to climb.

I went the wrong way. So embarassing.

If you saw Episode 5 of this series of Winter Wipeout and saw the final, you saw someone struggle terribly on the ladder. I’m telling you, I knew his pain. These ladders are horrible. The legs of the ladders are tiny, it’s hard to get your feet in each step. Then the worst part is the tops of the ladders. Now, some of the ladders have a tiny bit of rope for you to use to pull yourself up, but most of them don’t. So all you have are two stumps at the sides of the top of the ladders, to try and pull against, to get you up. The guy on Episode 5 did the finale in around 10 minutes because of this. I felt his pain because I too struggled with these ladders, although thankfully not as much.

I eventually pulled myself up the ladder and saw the second set of snowmen. I was so tired at that point, and as I said, I wasn’t even through the first section. So jumped onto the first of the second set of snowmen and it was fine. The second snowman, I knew was going to fall. But, how could I do anything about it? I hadn’t the energy to jump far enough quick enough to make the next platform. It felt like suicide. I knew what was going to happen. So I jumped, and stuck my leg out to try and land on the next platform but the second snowman once again tipped forwards and my leg wasn’t far enough to get to the platform, and it was a second trip in the drink.

I knew I was going to fall again but what could I do? It felt like committing suicide, knowing what was coming.

I swam as fast as I could to Granny’s House. My front crawl, my strongest swim, wasn’t working. So I thought I’d try swimming on my back; I can kick quite well with my legs so I tried this method. It also sucked, possibly more so than the front crawl. I eventually made my way up the smaller ladder towards Granny’s House. They didn't show me doing Granny's House on TV which was a shame. So there I was, at the first door at Granny’s House, which was absolutely terrifying.

You see, when you watch Winter Wipeout or Total Wipeout all you hear is Richard Hammond’s commentary and some music, with panned in sounds of people getting hurt and dramatic screams that are also edited in. But when you’re doing that course, you hear nothing. Absolutely nothing, but machinery. You need to remember that these are large leavers that are operated, to try and knock you off or knock you down. That’s their sole intent is to get you in that water or in that mud. And they’re machines! They don’t have human feelings! I don’t know if they’re controlled by the crew, so I can’t comment if they are automatic or operated. So just remember that when you watch the show, and think about how easy this course may be.

So I got to the first door, which was opening and closing at me. It felt like it was teasing me. I hadn’t the energy or more importantly, the balls, to go for it. I actually bottled it I’m embarrassed to say. I could have dived downwards towards the platform but I didn’t want to get hurt. I tried to time myself so it wouldn’t hit me and somehow, I managed it! It was a first success for me! Then I ran towards the dog, Tevez as Richard Hammond hilariously calls it, and I didn’t raise my legs high enough and it knocked me into the mud.

The mud, unlike the water, was filthy. I felt stones, or at least hard bits of mud, all over the place. I got it everywhere, including my shoes. But the good news is that it was nowhere near as deep as that water, so I didn’t struggle too much with it. I climbed up the next ladder and looked towards the next section. I timed my run badly, and felt at this point I’d actually hit at least 6 minutes, very very slow basically.

What was next? It was the Big Red Balls of course! Now, everyone looks forward to the Big Red Balls. It’s the best part of the show. But me, at that point I really didn’t want that to be the next part. I wished it was earlier in the qualifier, that way I’d be more prepared. So I dreaded this section and walking up that walkway towards the escalator was horrible. And of course, once you’re on the escalator that’s it, there’s only one way to go and that’s forward. So I was reluctant to go on at first before I just gave up and stood on it. The escalator was horrible, it was quite bumpy and the bars underneath pokes at my feet. It felt like suicide again, I knew I wasn’t going to beat the Red Balls and was going to fall into the water, and there was nothing I could do about it. I saw the Big Red Balls more and more as I was going further and further on the escalator. I didn’t actually run on it at all, I just stood there, I was so tired at that point running for the Big Red Balls felt like it was going to be a mistake. So I saw the balls, before I realised, there was only three there! There was one more that was hidden from my view, growing in size below me! I was aiming for the second ball when I thought it was the first! There was virtually no time to react or adjust, and I ended up falling pretty much vertically, downwards as I barely jumped to hit the Red Ball. I front of the first Big Red Ball, and fell to the water.

I was so tired by the time I got to the escalator I just stood there. Embarrassing.

I’d like to say, well, the whole qualifier was embarrassing for me but nothing compared to this. This was the climatic part of the show, and I didn’t even hit a Big Red Ball properly. I’m really upset about this, because even though I had an amazing experience from start to finish, doing the Big Red Balls is a dream, and I barely got to experience it. I at least wanted to hit one Big Red Ball and was going to go for the cautious tactic, but it fell completely flat when I didn’t realise the first Red Ball was as close to the escalator as it was. So, that’s why I’m upset and disappointed in myself about that.

The worst thing about falling into the water before the first Red Ball was that I had to swim the length of the four balls. That felt like it took forever. As I said, I had given up on qualifying for the next round at the first part of the course, never mind the Big Red Balls. I estimated it was at least 10 minutes by this point. I felt that I had joined the 10 minute club, an embarrassing club of people who have done the course in more than 10 minutes. Swimming passed each Red Ball was horrible, because it just took so long, and I was struggling to swim in this water anyway, because as I said, it was so deep and the protective gear felt like a hindrance as it just felt like it was pushing my body upwards when I wanted to go on my side.

Falling backwards to the front of the first ball meant I had to swim the full length of the four balls. For the second time, I was so close to quitting.

That was the second time I was close to giving up. I knew for a fact that I hadn’t qualified. I was embarrassed. Everyone else had reportedly done really well and I just wanted to get off the course, go back to the hotel and go home. I felt awful. I was struggling to do the course really badly and was so tired. But then my mind once again started thinking about how DARE I quit! I’ve come so far it’s too late to turn back! So I fought on, I didn’t want to quit. I’m not really a quitter. I’m a struggler, but I’m not a quitter! So I continued to swim on, and eventually swam across the course of the four balls and back up to a ladder. This ladder I really struggled with, as there was no bit of rope to help you pull up, so I only had the two sides of the ladder.

Next up was the final part of the course, the log jam. I thought the log jam would be the easiest part of the course, and in a certain way, it is. It’s still horrible though. I jumped to the first log, and it started moving forwards and backwards, trying to knock me off. I managed to hold on, the red bar actually helped me in this case, I just clung on to it as much as I could to avoid falling, but also to help me get on my feet. I was absolutely knackered at that point and I held on with sheer will more than anything. I clung on and slowly, gingerly, got up on the log. It stopped moving so aggressively, and I saw the second log. I jumped to the second log, and I made it! Another success story in this terrible terrible display! Woo! Now there was one more jump to attempt before I got to the end of the course. I wanted to end this performance on a high note. I landed on the second log and once again, it kept moving forwards and backwards to try and knock me to the water. I held on, and once again, tentatively got to my feet. I saw the finishing podium. I was about to make my jump and then the log quickly gave way underneath me. I was so tired and out of it by that point that I didn’t even make an attempt to hold on. I fell onto my back, and slid into the water for the final time in the qualifier. What I didn’t remember doing was falling on my back. Looking back at the clips, I really hit my back hard on the log, but I don’t remember any of that at all, it happened so quickly. I made my last swim, this time to the finishing podium and crawled up the stairs, and onto the target. I stood up, put my hands in the air to resemble some kind of pose and then looked at everyone.

Success! I jump from one log to the other! One of the few success stories in my performance. I had no chance with the second though, the way it was moving.

I felt awful. I felt like I was the worst contestant they’d ever had. I had to have hit 15 minutes, surely, that’s what I felt. I didn’t know my actual time until a bit later on. I looked at Amanda, who was looking at me with her microphone, ready for the post qualifier interview. I said, “I’m sorry.” Amanda replied, “Don’t be! What are you sorry for?”, in which I replied, “I felt like I’ve let everyone down.” You know what made things worse? As I was on the last log, I saw from a distance, everyone coming out. All the contestants. I was last and because I took one of the longest they obviously brought everyone out early. I didn’t know that at the time and thought they’d all seen my horror show.

My time was 6:25, but it felt like 15 minutes when I was doing it. I felt like the worst contestant they ever had.

I had agreed beforehand that I’d do some form of Randy Savage elbow drop into the water when I finished the course, paying homage to my love of the wrestling business. I didn’t want to do it as I was so embarrassed and tired. I just asked, “Can I go down the stairs?” in which Amanda agreed, softly, as she knew that I was so upset. I still had to go through the water though, so I got to the bottom step and dived into the water, and swam to the exit. I got to the exit and one of the Endemol Argentina crew came up to me and said in broken English “my brudda!” and gave me hug. He wanted a picture with me; he too had a beard and obviously understood my message to support bearded people. He was awesome; it was a really nice moment actually, seeing this guy want a picture with me because of the bearded connection despite me sucking badly on the Winter Wipeout course. After that I had to have my interview with Amanda.

I don’t remember much of the interview to be honest. I know I was incredibly negative about my performance, and I don’t think they liked that much, which is understandable. But the simple truth was I was. I was so embarrassed, so upset, so angry with myself for performing so badly that I couldn’t help be negative. Amanda was saying stuff like the weight of the beard holding me down, and jokes like that but I just wasn’t really up for jokes, although Amanda was just doing her job. I remember Amanda saying “it wasn’t easy was it?”, with me replying that I didn’t expect it to be easy but I wanted to do it. The quote they used on TV was "I wasn't prepared for that at all", which was portrayed funnily on the show but in seriousness, it wasn't. That's how I genuinely felt, and it was said in a negative way not in a sarcastic way. I remember saying that it wasn’t a good performance to represent bearded people well but that it was a performance that was a good performance to represent not giving up, and that I twice thought of giving up on the course but powered on.  After the interview I had a towel to dry myself down with and a blue Powerade drink for energy. I wasn’t finished yet though as I had to have another interview off the course with a researcher. It was Millie and I had to answer her questions, but in a way that said the question in my answer, for instance, Millie asked me how it felt to do the course and I had to reply “I felt the course was really difficult”. I basically said that I found the course to be really difficult, and that I almost gave up twice but ploughed through it. It was a similar interview and it was also negative, but in honesty, I just wanted to get out of there and fast. I was so exhausted, so upset and angry and embarrassed and wanted to get off the course and far away.

My interview with Amanda was really negative. I'm sure it's the main reason why they didn't show much of it.

What happened after I finished the course? And what of are my thoughts of seeing the rest of the show in person? Come back here tomorrow to find out in Part 5 of 6 of My Winter Wipeout Experience!

If you haven't seen it yet you can see my performance, which was edited by Episode 5 contestant Gemma Murdock below!

You can read part 5 here and part 6 here!

For the latest updates on my work, 'like' me on Facebook here!

My Winter Wipeout Experience - Part 2

Note: This is part 2 of 6. I'm posting one part a day. The total word count exceeds 31,000 words so it's going to be a long read. If you missed part 1 you can read it by clicking here!

So here I was! My audition about to start! 45 seconds that could change my life!

The first 30 seconds were absolutely crap. I said nothing inspirational, nothing interesting, and nothing that made me stand out. What did I say? I basically said that I’d never been abroad and never had the opportunity to do anything wild and crazy like this and I feel that’s why I should have a chance. I gibbered on about my age, my job and my interests – nothing. About 30 seconds into the audition the researcher dressed up as an Egyptian (who Maisie revealed to me was her! Maisie was pretty much given the reins for my episode of Winter Wipeout behind Andy the producer) and she asked “so who do you represent?”

And then I said it. “I’m representing all men with beards, there are not enough bearded men out there and I’m going to represent them.”

I saw a little smile come from the researcher and she extended to a pile of little blue cards. On the table were two sets of cards, red and blue. If you got a red, you were told to go through one door and blue lead to the other. It was proper Matrix stuff but with paper instead of pills. She gave me a little blue card, thanked me and pointed to the door. I slowly walked in that direction, and saw the other three random people at the audition. I went to the door, and one other person, a girl, followed me. The other two audition people went through the other door with a red card. So it was 50/50, two of us failed and two of us succeeded.

I honestly, genuinely felt crap. I felt I blew my chance. I didn’t think I auditioned well and I didn’t say anything interesting until the end, and I felt it was too late by then. I went through the door with the other girl who also had a blue card. On the other side of the door was a bouncer. She was a large lady with brown hair and looked like she was in her forties. She was quite intimidating to look at but I saw her earlier when I walked in and she seemed nice. She took our blue cards and said:

“Thank you for coming but unfortunately you MADE IT THROUGH YOUR AUDITION!”

My heart dropped and me and this girl looked at each other as if to say “are you serious?!” We were then told to go up the stairs where we would find out what happens next. I honestly couldn’t believe it. I had all my eggs in the pessimistic basket and was going to take my coat and go home. But if it wasn’t for my, arguably, unexpected response to who I was representing, I’m convinced I wouldn’t have had the adventure of a lifetime. If Maisie the Egyptian never asked me that question, I never would have mentioned my beard. But then that was it. I knew I was onto something. I knew what I had to do.

The Winter Wipeout beard. The reason I got on TV!

I’m not an athlete. I’m an aspiring journalist who’s overweight. I’m a little unconventional, especially my sense of humour. I’ve always had a beard, since the age of 12 or 13. I had a decent sized beard on my person then, and it got me to the next stage of my audition. I’m not saying I’m boring, but if they wanted someone that stood out, then I knew that my general odd self would be enough of a personality to carry me far, and that my ‘beard’ would have to be my gimmick. The person at that audition and the person you saw on television is me, but with the volume turned to 11 and who talks of beards a lot. I knew I was onto something and I needed to emphasise on this aspect of myself if I wanted to progress.

The second part of the audition took forever. At that point there were about 90 of us, less than a third of the people who started. We had to fill in details similar to that was found in our actual application form. Also included on the form were all the dates of the filming. They were filming from early October until the middle of November. They wanted to know what selection of 8 shows we could take part in, from those dates above. I chose anything but the first two shows as they both clashed with my daughter’s birthday, the 11^th October. The other six shows were fine, as well as the final (the champion of champions show). The 90 or so people were then split into three groups, who then took part in the second part of the audition. My group, once again, was the last group, a recurring theme in my adventures with Winter Wipeout. The second part of the audition took forever to happen for this reason. I was probably cooped upstairs for around two hours, waiting for nothing to happen.

My wife called me not long into these two hours and asked for my progress. When I told her I got through she screamed down the phone in excitement. I told her to calm down as I was still a long way from even thinking of getting on that show. I kept my feet on the ground the whole time. Secretly though I was gaining confidence, as I started to realise that what I was doing was working and I was exactly the oddball the researchers were looking for.

A lot of the people at the audition started making friends with each other. I didn’t really do this, not because I’m antisocial or anything, but purely because I didn’t know what to say, and not many people spoke to me. It’s disappointing as the other nineteen people on my show talk of seeing people they recognise on the other episodes of Winter Wipeout this season. I can only say I vaguely recognise one person, although I’m not entirely sure if it was the same person or not. But still, I was concentrating on what was to come. I still didn’t know what was going to happen. In the email we were told to bring appropriate clothing for doing exercise so I brought some shorts and trainers in a bag.

Finally after around two hours our group were told to go downstairs. Downstairs we gathered in the waiting room that we previously walked through to get to the corridor leading to the gymnasium. Two researchers gathered us there; one of them was Nick, one of the main researchers who I then got to know in Argentina. Nick is a tall, slender man, a very attractive dude to the masses I’m sure, and he’s probably in his mid to late twenties. I can’t remember seeing the other researcher, another guy, again. But Nick was there and talked to us.

Nick basically congratulated us on getting this far and explained a few things. He talked of the health and safety aspect of things again, and some basic details on the trip to Argentina. He explained that this was Winter Wipeout, the spin-off with a wintery theme but that the big red balls were still going to be on the show (which lead to a cheer from everyone). He gave details on what would happen next. What happened next was the physical part of the audition, followed by a final interview with two researchers in front of a camera. Nick told us that if we heard from the team after the audition, we were one step away from going to Argentina. As I said, there was a long way to go; there were 90 people left in this audition, and there were other auditions across the country. I still had work to do.

I got changed into my shorts and trainers before we went into the gymnasium. The curtain was now moved back and the gym was used in its entirety. Towards the left of the gym was what looked like some gym equipment set up to do a course. Before we got to that though someone in the gymnasium put us through a warm up process. This warm up process was quite basic, but as someone who doesn’t do regular exercise, it took a lot out of me! It felt like ten minutes of running around the gymnasium, side stepping, jumping, doing kick-ups and touching the floor with either the left or right hand. As I said it was basic but after a while, man, I was tired. I tried not to show it as much as possible to increase my chances as there was someone filming the whole thing. It really dawned on me how close I could be to appearing in Argentina; the fact that they were filming us doing exercise showed that. After the warm up process finished, we all gathered to the left of the gymnasium, not far from the course that was set up. A small blonde researcher talked to us as a group and explained what was going to happen. Basically we had to do a small interview in front of the camera about why we applied to appear on Total Wipeout, anything interesting about ourselves and at the end, a shout-out. If you’ve not watched Total Wipeout before, a shout-out is basically something that you say at the top of the Wipeout course before you take it on. Mostly shout-outs are cocky, odd or funny, and usually rhyme. I hadn’t thought of a shout-out yet! After the little interview we would do this mini course that was set up.

This course was as basic as can be. The course was so much easier than that warm up, which was odd! The course was basically a walk on a balancing beam to the top of a vault box, you can jump off the vault box in any way you wanted that wasn’t too dangerous (like a somersault or something) onto a soft gym mat, followed by a run through some cones to a flat gym mat where you had to do five press ups. From that mat you had to jump over a pole held by two standards (like a pole vault). The pole was at a very low height and over the pole was another soft mat. That was it. There was no pass or fail for this physical audition; they just wanted to make sure you could run a basic gymnasium course. In the end if you can’t do a basic course like this you had no chance of doing a Wipeout course, even gold medal athletes struggle with the Wipeout courses because they’re so random and have obstacles you must face. So this was a basic fitness test.

I didn’t have much time to mentally digest the course however because the first person they named was me!

I have a basic level of fitness. But doing the Winter Wipeout course is not basic.

I was so shocked that they announced “John Harper!” that I didn’t move. I genuinely thought, and I’m not kidding, that there might have been a second John Harper in the room and they alluded to him. After shaking off the initial shock, I knew I had to do something, to make an impact. So I ran, full pelt, at the person who called my name. She was taken aback by that and retreated slightly. She was a small blond girl, another researcher I think, not that I saw her again after the audition, or in Argentina. She interviewed me. She asked me why I was there and I did an altered phrasing of what I said in the 45 second audition earlier, emphasising that I’m representing all the overweight bearded men out there. It got a few giggles so it was obvious that it was working. She asked me why, and I said there are not enough men out there. I’d like to say that this was in a room with a good 40 people in, and cameras everywhere. She asked me what’s so good about beards, and I said that beards are just awesome, they look good and having one means you’re a man. I just came out with the oddest stuff in honesty, I was on the spot, I knew I had to mention beards and I wanted to stand out, so I came out with these odd answers. But it worked, people liked it! The other potential contestants liked me! After a few more questions she asked me to say my shout out in front of the camera. As I said, I never rehearsed one. So then I said:

“This is for all the overweight bearded men out there – I’m going to show you the way!”

It got a nice cheer from everyone, and then I had to do the mini course. I did the course with no issues. As I said, it was basic, and my basic fitness while isn’t great, the course was perfect for me to show people that I can at least move a little. I walked the balancing beam with no issues, did a star jump off the vault box (I have the moves!), then ran through the cones as fast as I could. Did five press-ups with decent ability (while the other potential contestants counted as I did them) and then jumped over the pole by twisting my body 180 degrees horizontally. I was then finished! I got a decent cheer and got told to wait on the other side of the room. On my own. Then everyone else, one by one, did the course.

I sat there on my own for a few minutes while the second person did their course and interview. I had a good think about what I had done. In all honesty, I was very happy with that performance. It was much stronger than my 45 second audition. I slowly felt more and more confident. Having the other people cheering me on and reacting to my odd interview and decent looking course attempt, it made me feel like I had a chance. I didn’t dare think I could get on Total Wipeout, but I felt at least, that I gave it my all, and I did what I could to get through. Very little else I could have done would have made a difference so, if I didn’t get to appear in front of 4 million people in the UK, it was okay, as I wasn’t right to appear.

A few other potential contestants started to gather around me after a few minutes. I was discretely happy, as some people struggled with their interviews or the course. One girl was really shy and wasn’t speaking very loudly. One guy, who was around a similar size to me from Asian descent, really struggled with the course. I felt good. I had a little concern however, as people’s names were being called to leave the room for the final part of the full audition. My name wasn’t called out first, despite being the first to do the course and interview. I was around fifth or sixth, so it made me think that either they were really considering me, hence the long time to get to me this time round, or, they were REALLY considering the other people before me, and I wasn’t considered. Naturally I found out the answer later, but that was my thought at that time.

We were lead back to the hallway that we queued up earlier, for the initial 60/45 second audition. It was me and a few other people before me, waiting by two interview rooms. We were to get interviewed one more time, but more in depth, and closer to a camera than before. It was a more personal interview, with only one or two researchers. We were once again told to think about what we would say in this interview, before going in the room.

I spoke to some of the other people there, and the female bouncer from earlier was with us, looking after us. We all spoke about how surreal this whole process was and if we would actually make it through. There was a smaller Asian lady, the wife of the Asian male I told you about earlier, who looked decent in both interview and course. The bouncer told her that she hasn’t got anything to worry about, as they were paying a lot of attention to her. She never said anything to me. I don’t know if that Asian lady, or anyone else from my audition for that matter, made it through. In the six episodes (including mine) that I’ve seen, I’ve not seen anyone that I directly recognise.

Slowly we all got our final interview. I went in the room, and I saw Siobhan, one of the main researchers, and Millie, a researcher that I actually got along with well in Argentina afterwards. It was the first time I would speak to Siobhan, little did I know that I’d be emailing her to and forth over the next two months, and then having an hour interview on the phone to her a week before I went to take on the most amazing obstacle course in the world! So the first question that was asked of me was great. Why? Because they asked about my t-shirt! The t-shirt I told you about that would play a discrete role in my going to Argentina! They asked what was on the t-shirt, and I explained that it’s Vivi from Final Fantasy IX, a little black magician that I named my daughter after. They looked odd at me, while I then lifted up my sleeve to show them a tattoo I have of Vivi (the mage) in homage to both the character and my daughter. I explained that I liked the name, and that I thought it would be lovely for a little girl. They gave me looks as if to say “ah, strange but interesting”. A bit like me really.

The rest of that particular interview is a blur. I remember telling them about my journalism and my website being an important part of me, and that I talk about my four main interests on here (as you can see as you’re on it now, games, music, wrestling and football). They liked the idea of wrestling and asked me about it. I explained that I love wrestling, the idea of the show, the acting and the fact that they put their bodies on the line for our entertainment. As I said I can’t remember much of that interview, I just remember the camera being right in my face, and that I was not to look at it but at Millie, who was filming. It was a nice, warm interview, and I felt at ease. They thanked me for coming and lead me out. That was it. I survived the 60/45 second audition by the skin of my teeth, but made a pretty damn good comeback and ended the full audition off very well. I was very very happy. I honestly looked back on that audition with hope, but most satisfyingly, in the know that I did what I can. If it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t to be, I wouldn’t be that gutted. As I said, there were 90 people left in the end, and that was one audition of many that went around the country, and many that were in London in particular. I really didn’t think my dream of going to Argentina and doing a Total Wipeout course would happen. My wife called me as I headed for the London Underground and I reiterated these sentiments.

I went to work the next day and told my work colleagues about my adventure in London. They like me, were hopeful of my inclusion but told me to keep my feet on the ground. They didn’t need to say that to me but I appreciated the advice, because I did. These types of things never go in my favour anyway so I wasn’t expecting. That is, expecting an email to arrive in my mailbox only two or three days later!

The email congratulated me on my audition, and announced that I had made the shortlist! I was in absolute shock. Not only to get shortlisted, but to have gotten the email so quickly. It was then, and only then, that I really started to think how possible this whole thing could be. In the audition, they emphasised on the shortlisting being “one step forward to appearing on Winter Wipeout”. I took their words to mean, “we need to make our 160 person final list, and then sift in any drop outs or contestants that can’t do it”. I don’t know if I was right to take that attitude, but I don’t know how many people they shortlisted. My guess was that if they need 160 people, their shortlisting surely, couldn’t have been more than 250 people right? And that’s a strong chance of appearing on the show if my estimates were close. That was my logic, and that was the logic I went with going forward.

In the email they told me that I needed a medical note from my doctor to clear that I can take part in a course that consisted of running, swimming, being knocked about my large doors, snowpies and bouncing on big red balls. That’s not what it said but that was the gist of it. I also was allowed to get my money back from Endemol for the paying of said certificate. I also had to get Hepatitis A and Tetanus jabs. I had to take my passport, a photocopy of my passport and two outfits. The outfits were the most difficult part. Why? Because I wasn’t allowed to take my Vivi top with me.

They said in the email package that they do not want black and while t-shirts because they want our contestants to stand out in front of the camera. If I wanted to bring a black or white top they’d have to know about it, and make an exception. I emailed Siobhan about my top, and asked her if I could take it. She said that unfortunately I couldn’t, not because of the colour scheme as it was a top that stood out really well, but because of the image of Vivi. Vivi is the property of Square-Enix, who makes the Final Fantasy games, so the BBC would potentially have a copyright issue. That did annoy me slightly. The top had got me so far, and I intended on wearing it in homage to Final Fantasy nerds and my daughter, Vivi. More annoyingly, the top I have wasn’t made by Square-Enix, as it was custom made independently, and purchased online. But, I didn’t want to cause a fuss; I understood their logic and didn’t want to challenge it as I appreciated getting as far as I did in the first place, and didn’t want to hinder that progress.

But it did cause me a problem – what was I going to wear now? We actually, soon sorted that problem out. We decided that if I got officially confirmed to appear on Winter Wipeout, that I’d get a custom made shirt. Now, most custom messages printed on shirts are rubbish and I usually disapprove of them. However, I was exceptionally happy with the end product of my top. The idea and quote on my top came from a discussion I had with my wife, I think I asked her the question spontaneously, “what’s more manly than a beard?”, and she replied with “nothing!”, and we both laughed. I didn’t at the time think that it was anything more than a funny quote as I intended on wearing that Vivi top. But when we remembered the quote a few days later, we decided that it would be awesome if it was printed on a top. We initially wanted to have “What’s more manly than a beard?” on the front and then in big letters on the back, “NOTHING”, but it cost more money to get a top with both sides printed, and as I’ve pointed out earlier in this article. So, when we got thumbs up that I was appearing on the show, we got two red shirts, and when we told the person in the print shop why I was getting these ‘odd’ t-shirts, he gave us a small discount. So the shirt, if you’ve not seen it properly, had this message:

WHAT’S MORE

MANLY THAN

A BEARD?

NOTHING

I was very pleased with the t-shirts. As for the rest of the outfit, well, being someone that doesn’t do much exercise and wears a lot of jeans, I don’t have many pairs of shorts. In fact, I only have one pair of shorts and they were plain black. I had a red t-shirt and I didn’t think the outfit would look that good. Besides, plain black shorts and lots of potential falling into water and mud, I didn’t think it was a good idea. But I did have a pair of swimming shorts! And they were red! I hated my red swimming shorts. They’re typical surfer shorts and I really think I look silly in them. But, combined with my red top and my, erm, red beard, the look was perfect for a silly show like Winter Wipeout. My wife also got me some leg warmers, not because it was cold (it was very hot actually, Argentina in the spring, but the set was made to look cold), but because they were red and looked like large footballer socks, and to cover more of my pasty legs. Because they are pasty. Horrible. Well, you can see how pale I am on the show!

The message on my shirt. It's true.

So that was the outfit sorted, and I got my jabs. I remember the day I got my official confirmation of being on Winter Wipeout. It was the 28^th September. I had to attend a staff meeting at 3pm and turned my mobile phone off, like I always do when I go to meetings. The meeting was just over an hour and I finish at 4:30pm, so I turned my phone on and saw a missed call from an anonymous caller. Sometimes my wife calls me at work and sometimes it comes up anonymous, despite her calling from our landline. I called her and asked her if she called. She said she didn’t, but she had three calls to our house from someone from Winter Wipeout. I didn’t think much of it, I was expecting a call soon as it was said in our email that the team might be in touch to arrange an interview soon. She said for them to call back at 5pm. The chap gave her a number for me to call in the event that he doesn’t call me and I’m ready to chat. My wife kept asking him, are you sure you can’t leave a message with me? What are you calling him about? He refused to answer; he wasn’t rude, but naturally, knowing now what he was going to tell me, he couldn’t tell the news to anyone but the contestant himself. So, I called back at 5pm when I got in, as I was anxious to find out about what he was calling about. It went to answer machine. I left a message telling him I was returning his call. I called again at 5:15pm and it went again to answer machine.

Then at around 5:30pm, he called us. I picked up the phone and it didn’t take long until he said.

“I’ve got some questions for you that I need to ask. First I need to ask, would you like to go to Argentina?”

I paused for a second, not sure if he was announcing that I was an official contestant, or just simply asking if I’d like to go. I asked, “Are you asking me if I want to go to Argentina to appear on Winter Wipeout?” He replied in a way that was a lot more obvious in intention. I looked at my wife and said “I would love to go to Argentina!”, in which he replied “Congratulations John, you’re going to appear on Winter Wipeout!” I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated this amazing opportunity. I’m pretty sure I thanked him more than once, but I was very calm on the phone. I didn’t squeal like a little girl, thankfully that was saved until my actual appearance on the show! He needed my passport number, and I had to get my passport to find it. As I walked to my kitchen, my wife looked at me very excitedly; I just gave her a look that said, “this is so surreal”. That was my actual thoughts at that time. I couldn’t believe, I was actually about to go to do something that in a million years, would ever happen to me. I was about to go to Argentina, a country I’d wanted to visit since I was a young lad. I was about to take part in the Winter Wipeout course, a variation of the Total Wipeout course, one of the hardest looking obstacle courses I’d ever seen. I was to appear on television, on Winter Wipeout, a show that the contestants are made to look absolutely barmy while wearing silly outfits and saying silly things. I’d get to meet Amanda Byram, and see how things are done first hand on the show. I’d get an opportunity to win £10,000. I’d get mocked by Richard Hammond, an awesome presenter on Top Gear, and a silly presenter on Total Wipeout. It was so crazy, so unreal, and I was about to do it all!

I gave the man all my details and he told me that I’d get called for an interview in a few weeks, which will be about an hour long, about my interests, my shoutout, my involvement in the show and the opportunity to ask questions. I got my email officially congratulating me a few days later. It explained that I would be on Episode 6, which was to be prepared from the 29^th October to the 3^rd November. The whole thing would be six days long. I’ll explain how the whole thing took a total of six days later in this article.

First however, I had to get leave from work. I’d like to say, in this entire experience and anything involved in this experience, this was the hardest, the most frustrating and most upsetting thing. You see, my wife and I got married in June, and we took two weeks off. I didn’t even get called for audition at that period, never mind get official confirmation of being on the show. I took two weeks off, which was roughly half my annual leave. I also took another holiday in September, which we had planned the year prior, which took a week out of my annual leave. By the time it was official I was to appear on the show, I had four days of annual leave remaining. Four days were required to take part in the show, because thankfully, it fell on a weekend so it was covered that way. But there was something else; I wanted to go home to North Wales to see my family for Christmas. I hadn’t spent Christmas in Wales for four years, and my daughter Vivi had never spent Christmas there in her life, and she was three now. I didn’t bank on going to appear on a TV show, or go to Argentina. So I wanted to do both, but with four days of leave left I didn’t know what to do.

I asked my manager to consider me taking annual leave for Winter Wipeout, and for me to take four days leave unpaid. I think that was a reasonable request. Apparently not, as I wasn’t considering my fellow colleagues and their leave that they were yet to take. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, and I had previously asked my colleagues if they were planning on taking leave for Christmas, no one had any definite plans to do so. So I was in a bit of a rut, because I wasn’t granted unpaid leave for Christmas. It did however sort itself out as well as possible for everyone involved. I took my last four days leave for this Winter Wipeout course, and I went to Wales with no leave. Thankfully Christmas last year fell on a weekend and that meant I had both Monday and Tuesday off. So I went to North Wales on Christmas Eve, and returned on the Tuesday. It was a very short break, I didn’t do anywhere near as much as I wanted, but it was enough for me to see my family, and more importantly, for Vivi to spend her first Christmas with the Harper’s.

Back to Wipeout, I had to a few more things to wrap everything up. I had to sign a contract that basically said, you’re doing this course, if you hurt yourself we’re not liable, and if you hurt yourself considerably, you’ll get compensation for leave off work, or something like that. I signed it, and returned the copy to them. A few weeks before we left, I had my travel arrangements. I was to leave Portsmouth by train to Heathrow, and then a plane from Heathrow to Madrid, and then another plane from Madrid to Buenos Aires, Argentina. The return journey was the same but in reverse naturally. I got an email later on to tell me to collect my prepaid tickets from my train station. I went to collect them and noticed they were around £80. It still shook me a little, yes it’s only £80, but that’s a lot of money to me and it dawned on me there and then how much money that was involved in this whole thing. The plane tickets were probably over £1000. They were to give us 300 pesos when we were there. And that is multiplied by 20, for each contestant, and then by 9, for the eight sets of contestants and the champions of champions edition. The winners all get £10,000, and there are eight winners, and the champion of champion gets another £10,000. It’s a lot of money, these figures, at least to me it is. Obviously they probably make a lovely juicy profit off the show so it’s peanuts to them. But to me, well, it just blew my mind.

"ME! ANGRY! WANT! FOOD!"

Our financial situation didn’t help in preparation for Argentina either. We had to pay a deposit on the hotel. But you had to pay by credit card, or with $100 American. Not only did we not have that sort of money, but I don’t have a credit card, nor could I get one because of our debt. It was a frustrating snag, one that would have been a problem if it wasn’t for my roommate, another fellow contestant, who trusted me enough and paid for both of us with his credit card. Obviously I didn’t trash the hotel room, so he got the full deposit back. But it was nice of him to trust me so early on, he didn’t have to do that and it was his money on the line in the end. My plan would have been to use a debit card, and that being used abroad would have been a potential problem, but it was the only method I could do. I didn’t want to get $100 American as I didn’t have any use of it afterwards.

I’d like to emphasise that while my performance was atrocious (in my opinion), I did lose a lot of weight. I don’t know how much I lose but it could have been two stone. I did a lot of cycling, over four hours a week, and I tweaked my foods for healthier and less fattening options. I eat a lot – I love my food, and while my diet wasn’t the best, it was a significant difference for when I was losing weight. I cycled to work to save money, not to prepare for Winter Wipeout, but when I passed the audition stage I did change my diet in the potential preparation for the event. I was very happy with my weight loss. I haven’t kept it up since I finished Winter Wipeout though, while I’m terribly overweight I’m not that bothered long term about losing weight. Keeping fit is something different though, and it’s something long term I’d like to think about doing.

Around a week before leaving for Argentina I had my interview. I can’t remember who I was supposed to have my interview with, but it ended up being with Siobhan. Personally I was really happy about this because I’d been emailing her back and forth for weeks and she seemed really nice. I upset her not long into the interview when I asked her if she was at her audition and I struggled to remember her being there! After delving into the back of my brain I remembered her being the cheerleader, who was asking me questions on camera at the end of the audition with Millie.

We spoke on the phone for an hour. It was a really nice discussion. We spoke about Argentina, Winter Wipout, and a lot about me and my life. I was very honest and open about my life. I spoke about us as a family leaving my dad because of the abuse he gave us our entire lives up to that point, I spoke about my website, and my interests in music, football, video games and wrestling. She was interested in my hobby of wrestling, presumably because it’s one that’s a bit odd and flamboyant, as well as a physical activity that’s not overdone on television like football. She wanted to know if I could do some actual wrestling in which I told her I couldn’t, but I could do random wrestling poses, like Hulk Hogan, The Rock and Randy Savage style. We then spoke about my weight loss, which went into a discussion into my tastes in food. If you know me personally, you’ll know that my diet is absolutely dreadful. I told her that it was only January 2010 that I reluctantly eat vegetables and fruit, and therefore my nutrition is tremendously poor. She absolutely loved that, as it’s an oddity I suppose, I love my meat and my potatoes, but hate my veg. The conversation ended after around an hour and it was the last time I was to speak to Siobhan, which was a shame as she was really awesome, I’d have loved to have met her in Argentina, but we had someone else. That being said, the three finalists of our show got Siobhan on the champion of champions edition you’ll see at the end of the series.

And that was pretty much it! Everything was set for me to go to Argentina!

Want to know what the flight was? And my thoughts on meeting the other contestants for the first time? Come back here tomorrow to find out in Part 3 of 6 of My Winter Wipeout Experience!

If you haven't seen it yet you can see my performance, which was edited by Episode 5 contestant Gemma Murdock below!

You can read part 3 here, part 4 here and part 5 here and part 6 here!

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