Bitesize: #7

Hey there, welcome to another edition of Bitesize. Just in case you're not too familiar, my bitesize posts are there to talk about a group of things in one go, either because a lot has happened or I haven't the time to touch on all of it in great detail. I also use Bitesize to announce site news.

Let’s start with site news. I’ve done a few Mixtapes here, paying homage to the soundtracks of two of my favourite game series, GuitarHero and Final Fantasy. Video game music is important and it was good to pay attention to the detail in which video game developers have put into their content. I don’t know how many video game related Mixtapes I’m going to do, I can’t see any happening for a while now, but it was good to do two in the last few weeks.

I haven’t been writing as much this week for two reasons, firstly as I have my sister down for the whole week, and secondly it was my daughter’s third birthday. My daughter is named Vivi by the way, after the video game character. Call me a nerd, I don’t care, I think it’s a lovely name and she suits it very well But that’s why I haven’t been writing much. I’ll be covering Liverpool vs Manchester United this weekend, so at least that’s one big piece. I also have plans to review Resident Evil 4 HD. Why? Because it’s one of my favourite games of all time, and the fact that they have ported it to the Xbox 360 in HD gives me a reason to review it.

Speaking of reviews, I am going to review older games and albums in the future. Since I’ve made this site over a year ago I’ve been trying to avoid going down that route of reviewing old material. But why not? Some of my favourite games and albums are over ten years old. And in the end, I want to draw attention to these games and these albums, just in case you haven’t played them. I hope to encourage people to give a chance on these things if they haven’t already. And if you have played them, then hopefully you’ll like the homage I pay to these great pieces of entertainment.

Wrestling now. I’ve heard overwhelmingly negative things about Monday Night Raw. I understand exactly where people are coming from. Only last week I was praising the booking team. Now it makes me look like a fool as they fucked everything up bad this week. There were plot holes everywhere, from the fact that Triple H is still COO of the company yet he has no power on Raw or from what we can tell, Smackdown!. John Laurinaitis is now running Raw while Teddy Long is still the GM of Smackdown!. But Triple H is the COO that can’t make any decisions on either show? Backwards. Also the question of who raised the cage to let The Miz and R-Truth in and then lowered it so no one else could at Hell in a Cell remains a mystery, a mystery that doesn’t look like it’s even attempted at being solved at all. In terms of matches, Raw’s main event is John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio but they barely got on TV this week. Yes I’m complaining over a lack of John Cena. But only because he’s the champ and he’s supposed to be on. Cena/Del Rio should be the main focus but it isn’t. The writing team is shoving the Triple H angle down our throats and in the end, who runs the show shouldn’t matter as much as it apparently does. What should matter is Cena vs Del Rio. It’s stupid.

That being said, I’m not going to be as critical as some people are. There is hope in this believe it or not. Yes there are plot holes, but let’s give the creative writing team the chance to fill in those holes for next week. Apparently the WWE are preparing long term now more than ever before. They are planning feuds and storylines for the future more now than before. So with that being said, let’s see what happens next week, before slamming them down to the ground completely. The Raw rating drop from the start to finish of the show is a big slap in the face of the WWE and they’ll definitely attempt to redeem themselves next week.

In music I have a few albums still lined up ready to review. I need to listen to these albums a bit more before getting to the nitty gritty. First is “Alpocalypse” by Weird Al Yankovic, and that should be up in the next fortnight I hope. After that is “Gold Cobra” by Limp Bizkit. So that’s just a taster of what albums I’ll be reviewing on the site in the next few weeks, but there won’t be anything for the moment. Also long term I will be doing my pretty big homage to Marilyn Manson that should hopefully ready before Christmas. That’s my plan anyway, but if it has to be delayed yet again that’s not a problem, the idea was for it to fit around the release of his new album, but with his plans to release the album in early 2012 the delay of that homage might be a good idea afterall.

Football now, and England qualified for Euro 2012 and Ireland made the playoffs. It was announced yesterday that Ireland will go against Estonia in the playoff finals, which is the best they could have hoped for. I’m English and support England but I want all the British Isles and Ireland to do well. I love Ireland, it’s a fantastic country and it’s one I have minor connections with in my family, and I have good friends there. So to hope that Ireland go through and join England in the Euros would be fantastic, and it would be sweet justice for their cruel exit to the World Cup two years ago when they controversially got kicked out in a similar fashion against France.

As for England, I have a poll to your right asking how far they’ll go in the Euros. My opinion? I reckon we’ll get through our group stage but advance no further. We’re not as good some fans think we are, and I don’t think we’re good enough to take on the likes of Spain, Germany and Holland. But you never know, if we beat one of the elite European sides we might gain a lot of confidence and become a big threat that way. I do believe that England’s main confidence is confidence on the pitch. We’re too afraid to lose so end up screwing up. The media influence is responsible for this, they just can’t let England play their game of football. Everything is under scrutiny, and the players don’t want to lose the match because they hate the bad press. So they screw up due to nerves. But if we work that round, and get a good result against a great team, that should hopefully put the creative spark into our play, and make us dangerous. Let’s hope so, as I would like to see England as a national football team put back on the map as one of the best sides in the world.

Well that’s me done for today. I’ll be covering the Liverpool/Manchester United match tomorrow and then I’ll be back on Monday or Tuesday with something else. Thanks for your time.

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The Mercy Side: We Need To Talk About John (Cena)

Hey everyone, I hope you’re enjoying munching on whatever food you’re munching on while you’re reading this. What, am I being stereotypical? Maybe. But you are eating aren’t you!

Anyhoo, the title of this article is a pun on the award winning book by Lionel Shriver that’s soon to be made into a film. But it is true, we do need to talk about John, John Cena that is. What other John would we be talking about? John Morrison? Well he is being depushed as he’s been spending too much time in Relationshipville in the eyes of the WWE.

No, this is an article about John Cena, and most particularly the promo he did on Monday. Now everyone involved in that promo played a decent part, John Laurinaitis, Triple H, most certainly CM Punk, but Cena impressed me most. I mean, CM Punk had the funny lines, he was possibly the best on the mic overall. But not for the first time, Cena was impressive here. He really is underrated on the mic. When given the platform to be himself, to talk on the spot, he can be quite incredible. In recent memory Cena has only done another promo like the one on Monday, and that was when he finally had his face to face promo with The Rock pre-Wrestlemania. What do the two promos have in common? Well naturally, The Rock was part of both. But… what both promos have in common is John Cena in both scenarios was verbally backed to a wall, and was put on the spot to answer to his critic(s). Let’s analyse the two first.

In the pre-Wrestlemania promo, The Rock had been calling him out for some time about comments Cena initially made to the commitment The Rock lacked to the wrestling company. Cena was mocked because of his wrestling attire, his appeal to children and his love of rap music amongst other things. John Cena responded by confirming that his target audience is kids and he says “he’s damn proud of it”. John Cena says that he has worked hard to get to where he is and is there live every week, and says, straight in the eyes of The Rock - “Who are you to judge me?” He’s right in a certain way, as Cena works hard all the time in the name of the WWE he shouldn’t be brought down to easily. He criticises The Rock’s “Team Bring It” slogan. The Rock dislikes rap, Cena’s target audience and his ‘colours’; basically The Rock is critical of things that someone else likes. Cena says if he has a problem with someone liking a different genre of music, dresses in a different way or talks in a different way, and that’s what “Team Bring It” is about, then The Rock “can keep the application to join because he doesn’t want to”.

He’s spot on in certain ways. The Rock bullied him to a corner about his style and appeal to children. But Cena backed up his words well. He did it with passion when he was criticised. You could see it in his face that it bothered him. But the highlight for me? Was the fact that Cena’s first words on the mic was applauding The Rock. The Rock brought his electricity; he got the fans off their feet. Cena, say what you want about him, is a huge fan of the business. You might see where I’m going with this but I want to analyse the promo from Monday as well.

Monday’s promo was a combination of CM Punk live, and a promo The Rock did on his Facebook account a few weeks ago. CM Punk introduced the video, where The Rock once again criticised Cena’s appeal to children, but more accurately, his lack of appeal to the men in the audience. He says the fact that the kids yell “Let’s go Cena” followed by men shouting “Cena sucks!” will haunt John Cena his entire life. He criticised his ring attire again. He says men don’t like Cena because he’s a phony, and they can see through the bullshit. CM Punk then spoke, agreeing with The Rock with regards to Cena being a phony. Cena then responded. He said he doesn’t understand how The Rock can have such a problem with him as he’s done it all in the WWE and is a huge movie star now. He praised The Rock for his accomplishments. CM Punk cut him off saying that he didn’t show Cena the video for him to criticise The Rock. Cena agreed and said he knew why Punk had a problem with him. Cena lists what he believes CM Punk’s problems are with him, from the the fact that Punk thinks he is “too PG” – a modern Hulk Hogan. Punk agrees with that statement. John Cena then says that regardless of what he does, he’ll never win over The Rock’s ‘millions’, nor will he win over Punk’s fans. He starts using the Internet Wrestling Community’s lingo by referring to the fact that he’ll never win them over, even if he ‘increases his work rate’, if he adds to his ‘5 moves of doom’, or if he lets his ‘heel persona’ shine through, he says he’ll never ‘win’ over certain fans. But the children that he attracts, and anyone else that like him, his target audience that he has already gathered – they’re the people he cares about. He wants to entertain them, and please the fans who have been there for him through thick and thin. He said he hated the fact that CM Punk called him the WWE equivalent of the New York Yankees, but that after thinking about it, he was spot on. He appreciates that loads of people love him and loads of people hate him, so it’s a good comparison. He says there’s nothing phony about his love for his target audience.

I brought these two promos up because of the fact that Cena, in both scenarios, backs up his television character up incredibly well. Everyone is going on about CM Punk and the potential new ‘reality era’ that may be upon us.  But the promo Cena did with The Rock back in March was as real as the one this week. CM Punk might be the new leader of the potential new era, but he didn’t start this all off. The Cena/Rock altercations have been real, and they are in theory what started everything off. Cena’s two promos were as real as anything CM Punk has been doing recently. He’s really good on the mic when he’s talking like this. I really hope that if this new ‘era’ is kicking off, that Cena won’t be doing those annoying scripted promos anymore, and his character takes a turn to this slightly harder edged face it currently has. Cena’s character has been stale for sometime and if there’s no heel turn imminent (which is still an unlikely possibility at Summerslam), this tweak in his character will do him the world of good.

But do you know what I loved most about Cena on Monday? His body language and facial reactions. You can say what you want about John Cena but I’m a huge believer that he fucking loves this business, arguably as much as anyone. He loved The Rock’s promos dissing him all the weeks before Wrestlemania. His on screen character and parts of his real life persona had to respond in a professional manner, but truth his, he was ENTERTAINED by them. And he said on Monday too. He was ENTERTAINED by CM Punk’s promo. He said it verbally, but you could see it in his body language. He kept laughing at CM Punk’s jokes, about Cena, and about other things. He loved it. He fed off how great Punk’s promo was, and commended him at the end for it. And he wasn’t in character when he did, trust me. He thought Punk’s promo was fantastic. I remember the first promo The Rock did upon his return. Cena responded in the form of rap the week afterwards. But Cena said before he ‘went down to business’ that he was “just going to let it slide – it’s The Rock! It’s what he does!” I honestly felt John Cena would have let it slide if he had a choice. His on screen character couldn’t, otherwise Cena’s character would have seen as a coward. So he had to respond, and did. But you can see the WWE fan in Cena. He says he’s a fan in his promos all the time, but that’s reality as well. He’s just like all the fans who come to see the WWE perform, just doing it himself.

John Cena is a great human being. He really is. Yes his ‘five moves of doom’ annoy me as much as the next person, and I do think he needs to let his ‘heel persona’ take over, as Cena as a heel was what got him his worldwide fame in the first place. It’d also be fresh at this point, as he hasn’t done it for a good 6 years. But John needs to stop being that modern ‘Hulk Hogan’ – that’s what needs to change. John Cena is not a phony, but it’s slightly hypocritical to this moral beam of greatness. Cena’s character at present is that he respects every opponent, loves the fans with all his heart, and he works hard every day to reach his goals. This routine worked in the eighties perfectly with Hulk Hogan. But certain fans, the ‘men’ as The Rock puts it, hate that old school routine. And why? Simple answer really is because it’s not reality. And if this new reality era does come into full force, that Cena needs to die (metaphorically of course). The John Cena we saw on Monday, the one we saw in March before Wrestlemania, where Cena can answer his critics and accept that he is human, instead of a superhero, needs to start fleshing out. He accepted that he’ll never win over every fan and that for me is great.

Not all wrestlers can appeal to all fan bases, there’s just too many diverse fans to even contemplate it. Yet you always had the feeling Cena did, he tried to reach out to everyone, and that in itself annoyed the ‘IWC’, or smarks as they’re also known as. There are the casual fans, the ones who like to see the shows live and love the spectacle of the event. These fans like to see these larger than life superstars tussle and cheer on the good guys and boo the bad guys. These fans tend to be fans of Cena. There’s the fans who love promos but aren’t too bothered about the in-ring action. A lot of these fans love The Rock. Then you have the small percentage of fans who love the in-ring action, the technical ability of certain wrestlers, who can do unique wrestling holds and do moves that not many others can. A lot of these fans love CM Punk. The smark fans love a complete wrestler who can talk on the mic AND deliver in the ring. These fans tend to like CM Punk and Chris Jericho most, but dislike John Cena. These are the fans that Cena is referring to.

There was a point where people didn’t think Cena even acknowledged these fans, they wondered if he ever read the online reports and the dirtsheets that he is often criticised in. Well you got your answer on Monday, and he responded to you and I. And for that I’m happy. I’m happy with his answer. And I think if Cena tweaks his character to have the edge, the passion and the natural ability to deliver a composed response on a microphone on the spot, and he uses these skills in a new ‘era’ where reality and wrestling entwine, I think John Cena will slowly but surely start to win over the fans he thinks will never like or respect him. Thanks for reading and have a good day.

The Mercy Side: CM Punk - Legitimate World Champion

Hey everyone, after six months of non-stop music writing I bet you all forgot I'm a wrestling fan! But seriously though, anyone who watched the Money in the Bank pay-per-view on last Sunday saw one of the most amazing wrestling programs in a long time. I wanted to write about this earlier last week but I had to finish of my commitment to the Noughtie series.

I've been a fan of wrestling for around ten years now, and I honestly can't say I've seen a better pay-per-view from start to finish. The work put into that PPV, from the top, Vince McMahon and Triple H, John Laurinaitis, to the booking of anyone else involved in that side of things, and most importantly, the wrestlers. Everyone gave their all on last Sunday, and while some people were limited (Mark Henry, Kelly Kelly), they still put their all into it and produced a memorable night of wrestling/sports entertainment. Now I'm not going to place it in any list of amazing PPVs in the history of this business, for the moment I'm a bit fed up of listings, I'm here to talk about CM Punk, and the history he made on last Sunday night.

I found this picture on a Google search, I don't know if it's legitimate.

Now, I'm going to set something straight here. I'm not going to just kiss CM Punks ass in this article for a couple of thousand words. I want to put a perspective on the guy, one that you may or may not have thought of. It is my opinion that on Sunday, CM Punk became what I call a legitimate world champion. What, he's won the title four times right? He was already one before hand Johnny Mercyside! Not in my eyes he wasn't. Now before you scroll down to the bottom of the page and rip me in the comments section, hear me out.

CM Punk is now a four-time champion, a six time if you include his reigns as WWECW and ROH champion. Now, I'm going to piss off a lot of the Internet Wrestling Community off by disregarding the ROH title reign straight away. Like it or not, and the same applies to TNA, WWE is the top. It is the crème de la crème. I'm not saying that the people in the WWE are the most gifted wrestlers in the world. I'd be a fool to suggest that. You have AJ Styles, Daniels, Samoa Joe, Shelton Benjamin, Jack Evans, Low Ki, Charlie Haas and Austin Aries who are all phenomenal athletes in different ways and don't currently work for WWE. But…. TNA is not on par with WWE now. It just isn't the same as the nineties wars. I'm sorry TNA fans. There were legitimate world champions in WCW. The only person in TNA I can possibly name in the same bracket is possibly AJ Styles. He has become a magnificent diamond in the centre of TNA, and has definitely contributed to the growth of TNA worldwide in a major way. But it takes more than natural talent to become a legitimate world champion. Or at least in my eyes you do.

Hulk Hogan. Randy Savage. Ric Flair. The Undertaker. Sting. Bret Hart. Shawn Michaels. Steve Austin. The Rock. Goldberg. Triple H. Kurt Angle. John Cena. Edge. Randy Orton. Batista. There's a lot more, definitely before the wrestling boom of the eighties, but that covers a good portion of the recent ones. I'd say all the names above are legitimate world champions. There are many, many, people not on the list that are more talented.  Hulk Hogan's Leg Drop isn't the deadliest finisher in the world. John Cena's moveset does feel limited sometimes. Goldberg made a career of destroying other's careers for his own selfish motives in WCW. But all the people above, can all say they contributed to the gain of the WWE, or WCW in Sting's case, and a few others who had greater success there. They brought in a new audience, and the people that were already watching were licking their lips in awe.

Just in case you still don't understand what I'm getting at here, the names above can all turn heads in wrestling. They can get fans attention. They can, as Eric Bischoff puts it, put asses in seats. They draw fans to the product. And as flashy as some of the smaller named guys are, and seriously, I genuinely love some of those guys, they aren't going to do that all the time. They aren't the 'diamond'. Hulk Hogan is arguably the reason wrestling is on the map today, combined with Vince McMahon's vision; they are both responsible for the way things have evolved for the past thirty years. And yes, Hogan has become a stupid senile man who is tarnishing his legacy in TNA. But in the eighties, before I was born, it was all different. Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan had epic battles. It was the in ring storyline, combined with the out of the ring storyline, that created one of the best feuds of all time. I could easily name big 'moments' for all the above wrestlers, but it should be common knowledge and if you want to know their history, look it up.

There are names that are omitted from that list. One is Eddie Guerrero. A fantabulous wrestler. An amazing talent on the mic. But... did he really contribute a great deal for the WWE? Yes, I am talking about financial gain, but there is more than that too. There's the longevity, there's the consistency, there's face value, there's the dependency. That last one is arguably the most important. Eddie only won the title once remember. And can you argue they could trust their product with Eddie Guerrero? Did he have a long and luxurious title reign? I can’t say they felt they could trust him. Rest in peace dude. The same can be said about Chris Benoit. I don't think the company got to the point where they can make the guy their 'face' guy. And then he did what he did... and the rest doesn't need to be brought up.

Okay, let's try a current wrestler - Rey Mysterio. I don't see Rey in that light either. I love seeing Rey flying in the ring night after night. In the nineties there was genuinely no one like him. And he is a two-time champion. The company booking BOTH his title reigns badly suggests they don't quite like the idea of putting the title on the little man. Rey has made a lot of money for both the WWE and himself with his mask sales, his fantastic fanbase in his home country of Mexico, and his appeal to small children. But can Rey make the company and the wrestling fanbase bow to his feet? I don't think so. And what of Chris Jericho, six time champion? Well, he's my favourite wrestler. But as he really contributed significantly to the growth of the business? He's definitely one of the most all-round gifted athletes, and has helped the careers of many others, but contribute to the growth of the business dramatically? I'm not really sure.

CM Punk is a four-time champion. His three previous title reigns were quite poor. His first one, he beat Edge, and then wasn't book greatly for two months before getting punted by Randy Orton, making him vacate the title. His second and third title reigns are sandwiched between Jeff Hardy's title reign. While the feud was fantastic (best feud of the year) there was no star making moments involved. Jeff did a great Swanton Bomb off the ladder through the announce table, but did anyone's stock rise at all? Did the WWE point at this and go - this is raising people's eyebrows and will gain positive attention? It didn't accelerate interest in the product unfortunately.

And in one month, CM Punk has done just that. Has his contract genuinely run out, or are the rumours true about it actually running out in September? If it's the former, has he signed a new contract? No one knows. His promo from a few weeks back has been hailed as the best promo in ten years. It was a truly flash to a time where promos were often like that, in the Attitude Era. CM Punk was doing what arguably no member of the current roster can do at present, and that is turn heads.

Is it true that CM Punk was asked for interviews with ESPN, and other major sports media outlets? Who knows, but I wouldn't be surprised. Did his stock rise in the past month? In Stone Cold's words, oh hell yeah. And he did it in a way that you can argue is old school, he said controversial things. And it was all in PG. Yes he said ass, yes he said other offensive things. But he didn't swear. He didn't beat Cena until he bled. He cut a fantastically edgy promo, one that had many truths in it. It was a worked shoot. He created this brilliant dilemma for Vince McMahon with the WWE title. He raised major interest in WWE Ice Cream bars being resurrected. He made marks love him, despite being a heel, something that is also difficult to do nowadays. The dilemma he made with the title probably caught the attention of so many people who aren't necessarily regular WWE fans. Punk said, "ESPN and Kimmel are ringing my phone off the hook for a story". He was probably telling the truth. I bet so many people caught wind of what happened, people who aren't major wrestling fans, and wanted to know what the hell was going to go down on Sunday. I really want to know what the buyrate was for MITB.

The funny thing is, most importantly, CM Punk has single handedly made the WWE title important again, something that hasn't been done in such a long time. Him taking the title out of the WWE has made for some fantastic television. 'What is this rebel going to do next?', people will question. I hope Raw views go up. If it does, CM Punk is responsible for that. And bringing the title to Comic Con, and then to an indy show, is really selling the idea that he is unemployed, and is acting on behalf of WWE. Of course I don’t know for sure, but based on the evidence provided in the past month, you’d assume he has signed that contract.

CM Punk has finally become a legitimate world champion. In a nutshell, the fact that CM Punk can draw makes him a legitimate world champion. There were question marks over his ability to draw, there were question marks over his ability to be  a star in WWE, despite his great natural talent. He has been bitching about not getting the opportunity of showing what he is capable of when given the spotlight, and rightfully so. The WWE gave him the torch, and he set fire to the WWE. Look how it's paid off. CM Punk is the crown jewel in the hottest wrestling angle for years. The moments that are currently taking place on our screens in the last few weeks will live in the memory. Austin 3:16 Promo. Hulk slamming Andre. Montreal Screwjob. DX invading WCW. And now, the fantastic promos. The brilliant wrestling match with John Cena. The kick to Alberto Del Rio. The kiss to Vince McMahon on the ramp. Running through the Chicago home crowd, stealing the title. Yes, CM Punk taking the title from right under Vince McMahon's nose will be remembered as an OMG moment in the history of this wrestling business.

Do you agree with me? Disagree? Am I being too harsh on TNA and ROH? How about the other wrestlers I didn't include in the list? Let me know what you think of this article below. Thanks for reading.