Best Moment: Customising your character to great detail and also giving them a fantastic moveset. I also love Season Mode too.
Everything that was great in WWF Smackdown 1 was vastly improved in Smackdown 2... apart from the graphics I'd say! The music was much better, the customisation was top notch, all the unlockables were good and very detailed. The Season mode was far more slick and in depth. Simply, everything was so much better in Smackdown 2 and I spent many many hours playing through this game, creating my characters, creating multiple characters and trying to also create newer wrestlers who came into the WWF/WWE too. This game came out in the same year as WWF Smackdown 1. You could argue if the games were created this way today, in a modern day video game world that the second one would have been a upgrade patch from the first game, because really they didn't do a lot to the engine of the game, or the graphics. But everything they did was bigger and better. It reminds me a lot of what Valve did with Left 4 Dead 1 and 2, which were released a year after each other. The second games are just brilliant, not that the first games were bad, just that the second ones added more quality and depth. WWF Smackdown 2 was simply one of the best wrestling games ever made, if not THE best wrestling game ever made. I love it.
Best Moment: Creating your own characters and finishers, and even giving your finisher it's own new name!
Wrestling games came and went in the nineties but it was a largely hit and miss genre of games. But then in 2000, the WWF Smackdown games changed everything. The first two WWF Smackdown games came out in the year 2000, and were very similar in many ways. The first one, was great but had some awkward flaws, particularly in the Season mode. But despite that, upon release it was just incredible. There was no commentary but you didn't need it, because it was just non-stop action and fun in the ring and heavy music to back it up. The original WWF Smackdown games were just carnage, but in a very good way. What I loved the most about the first Smackdown game was naming your finisher, something that's rarely, if ever, happened since in any of the Smackdown series. I've always wanted to name my finisher, being a huge wrestling fan, so the omittance in future games sucked! This first Smackdown game was great at the time, even if it does look very dated now.
What game kicks off my Top 20? Find out by clicking here!
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Best Moment: I loved the grudge matches, and particularly, the videos that came with them!
Before WWE Smackdown games took over, there were a couple of wrestling games that made quite a big impact in the late nineties. On the Nintendo 64 you had WWF No Mercy. On the PS1 (and also on the N64, to be fair) you had WWF Warzone. This was the first wrestling game I played. I had only just got into wrestling and thought this game seemed really awesome at the time. Little did I know that things would get so much better quickly with the Smackdown games!
That being said, at the time this was good. You could have four wrestlers wrestle each other at the same time and the finishers looked awesome. You could challenge for titles and sometimes wrestlers would challenge you, in what was called a "grudge match". It used to show these awesome video promos of the wrestlers challenging you. I used to find them really awesome, because it was the actual wrestlers talking rather than the blocky characters. It's a good game this, really good at the time, but as I said, the Smackdown games were to take wrestling video games to a whole new level a couple of years later.
What is my 33rd favourite PS1 game? Click here to find out!
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Here's my first wrestling article in nearly two months. Enjoy.
I may not be writing as often as I used to anymore but that’s because of time, not because of my lack of interest in doing it. I still play video games, listen to music, watch football games and watch wrestling. I just don’t often get the chance to jot my thoughts down on anything anymore, which is a shame. But in the wrestling world, one of the most intriguing, most entertaining, and most unpredictable storylines in recent memory is the program that’s occurring between Kane and Daniel Bryan.
I’m a huge Kane fan. I have been for a long time. And while Daniel Bryan individually is by far my favourite wrestler at the moment, and has been for about half a year now, this article is actually in homage to Kane. You see, Kane is a character and wrestler who is always overlooked by both his peers and the younger talent. Back in the late nineties, there were far more popular wrestlers than Kane. He was a medium fish in a huge tank in those days, in comparison arguably larger fish in The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Mankind and The Undertaker. Then when that tank got smaller, new talent were still considered bigger fish; Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit. Then the new breed came in when the fish tank was getting smaller still; John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, Jeff Hardy, Brock Lesnar and now CM Punk. At this time Kane’s medium sized fish was shrinking. He was getting older, slower, less interesting.
One thing they tried to keep Kane’s character fresh was take Kane’s mask off. This was a huge angle. I never thought they’d get Kane to take his mask off; it was key to his character and a fundamental part of his look. Kane was supposedly burnt in a fire as a kid so the idea behind the mask was to cover up his scarred face. And while Glen Jacobs, the man who portrays Kane, has a menacing look on him, it took away a huge part of Kane that made him so scary in the first place. The only reason why I’d have been happy for Kane to lose his mask was if the WWE were to actually give him the push to the top he deserved for such a long time. They never really did.
Something that always used to annoy me about the WWE was that they burderned Kane with a one day title reign for so long. I never thought he deserved to lose the title in one day, after finally getting to the top and get a win over Stone Cold Steve Austin in the process. I thought that was terrible; at the time Kane was still one of the most interesting characters on TV, even in the fruitful attitude era. He didn’t deserve that. No one does really. It’s one of the reasons why I feel sorry for Dolph Ziggler and Rey Mysterio and their terrible title reigns. What’s a bigger crime though is that it took over 12 years for him to not only get another World Heavyweight Title reign, but for him to have a good crack at the top. Kane had a decent run as champion a couple of years ago, and his program while wasn’t great, his character was pretty damn entertaining.
It's hard to remember this ever happening.
Who was he in a program with as World Heavyweight Champion? Oh yeah, some guy called The Undertaker. Kane has the unfortunate title as being an Undertaker-lite. In nearly every way possible, Kane is inferior to The Undertaker. He’s a big guy like The Undertaker, but in the ring he can’t compare to Big Evil. The Undertaker is unparalleled when it comes to big guys and their ability in the ring. He’s untouchable. Kane however, is a damn good wrestler, for a man of 7 feet and 320 pounds; he can fly across that ring and put on a very good show. His moveset is distinctive despite him sharing his finishers with The Undertaker. On the microphone, The Undertaker, when on form, floors Kane in this respect too. Kane isn’t often given much time on the microphone, not because it’s a weakness, but because it’s against his character to talk too much. But he’s still very good; one of the highlights of the disappointing program between Kane and The Undertaker for the World title two years ago was Kane’s “reveal all” promo where he explained his plot for the title all along and how The Undertaker fell for it. That promo was gold, and he was on the microphone for a good 10 minutes then, a rarity for Kane. His character is inferior to The Undertaker’s as well; in the respect that The Undertaker’s Deadman gimmick has lasted an incredible 22 years, bar the few years as The American Bad Ass, with few tweaks here and there. Kane has had to change his character over and over again, to avoid being too similar to The Undertaker, and yet maintain the entertainment value. Kane is less popular than The Undertaker in every other way possible too; fan opinion, backstage respect and reputation, merchandise, everything. Kane is exactly that, The Undertaker-lite.
But there is one thing that Kane can revert to that The Undertaker can’t. There’s one thing that Kane has the ability to do that The Undertaker can’t even begin to compare with, and that’s the ability to be funny. You can call it an underrated trait in a wrestler, but the ability to make an audience laugh is important. It’s entertaining; it’s an often overlooked quality in a wrestler. I can give you two very easy examples to back myself up on this. The first, Santino. Santino will never be a World Heavyweight Champion. He’s not good enough in the ring, not popular enough overall with any age demographic, not even kids. But if you remember The Elimination Chamber earlier this year, Santino was amazing. He was put into the match due to a concussion to Randy Orton, he was a surprise entrance really, and no one expected him to be given the spot in the match. But how the fans reacted. They knew he had no chance of winning the Elimination Chamber. They knew he was a huge underdog. And they supported him in his underdog role. Why? Because they knew his value as a comedy wrestler. And you know what? Santino delivered big time in the Elimination Chamber. He got by far the biggest pops in that match when he dug in deep and survived to the final two in the chamber, with Daniel Bryan. It was a simple story, but if it wasn’t for Santino playing the funny guy so well now for a number of years, we wouldn’t have got that great performance from Santino.
Secondly is Daniel Bryan himself. Daniel Bryan is a great story in today’s WWE. A little indie guy who happens to be the best technical wrestler since Chris Benoit, gets his chance at glory by winning Money in the Bank, and cashes in. But he’s still one of the most entertaining wrestlers in the roster, in my opinion; he’s been the most entertaining wrestler for a good half year now. And why? Because he’s just so funny. He knows how to garner a reaction. And his in ring ability is unquestionable; it’s always been the ability to play a character that people questioned. And how he’s backed that ability up. He gets probably more time on TV than any other wrestler nowadays. It speaks volumes, it really does. And it’s the comedy element to his character that makes him stand out, even when he’s not heading into a World Title at the moment. Because he’s such a good wrestler, the true best in the world I’d say at this time, and because he’s so entertaining and funny, it’s inevitable he’ll be given that reward at the top again very soon.
I admit it, I'm a huge Brothers of Destruction mark. I have no shame.
Because Kane is immediately compared in every way to The Undertaker in everything he does, not only because he’s the storyline brother of The Undertaker, but also because he too has an evil streak, is a big guy that has a similar move set, Kane has to adjust himself in a way that’s different to The Undertaker. I think deep down Glen Jacobs knows that he’s just not as good in most ways to The Undertaker. Sometimes it’s good to accept that you’re not #1 and just be the best you can, and be better in ways others can’t. And Kane does that by being funny, in usually inappropriate or unexpected ways.
Kane has a great career in comedy segments. Because it’s not every week, every time we see him and a little unexpected when it does happen, it’s often absolutely hilarious. Kane does evil and sinister segments, he does horror slapstick segments (usually badly, take the Paul Bearer freezer storyline as an example), and he also does comedy. One of my all time favourite funny moments from Kane is when he’s preparing a six-man tag team match with The Rock and Hulk Hogan, and his partners are discussing how they’re not too sure how to deal with The Big Red Machine. Kane walks in and just tears the roof off with his amazing impressions of The Rock and Hulk Hogan, hulking up, posing, everything. It’s just brilliant. It came out of nowhere and was just one of my favourite segments ever. What about the celebratory Santino trumpet segment from last year? Kane was just turning into a good guy but wasn’t quite there yet at the time, and was in an eight-man tag team match with Santino, Big Show and Vladmir Kozlov; his three partners start doing the trumpet celebration and Kane just stands there in disgust. Then all of a sudden he just starts joining in. It’s just moments like that that Kane can get away with, in a way that The Undertaker can’t, and he’s just so good at it.
Which brings me to his current program with Daniel Bryan. I truly believe that the paring of these two unexpectedly funny guys wasn’t planned long term. I believe everyone thought they’d have a program that ended with Daniel Bryan being put over by Kane to the top again, because Kane has spent long periods of his career putting smaller wrestlers over, which is another trait he’s better than The Undertaker at. But the segments have been just so funny consistently over the last couple of months that they’ve started to pair them and even gave them the Tag Team Titles. The Tag Team Titles were almost inevitably being readied for Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara to the point that the writing was pretty much engrained on the belt, but with Kane and Daniel Bryan working so well together with their fantastic chemistry, plans have changed. And while Daniel Bryan is a really big part of why this team is so successful on TV, Kane needs more credit in his role.
The "hug it out" segment was comedy gold.
That’s the purpose of this article. To pay homage to Kane, something that isn’t done enough. Sure, there have been better wrestlers than Kane, in many different ways; in ring ability, on the microphone, everything. I’m not taking anything away from these wrestlers. I’m not taking anything away from The Undertaker, who in most ways is better than Kane. I prefer The Undertaker to Kane myself. But Kane is just not praised enough for the role he’s done consistently since 1995. That’s fifteen years service. He’s a scary monster, he’s a big wrestler but can wrestle really well, he’s decent on the microphone, he’s put more smaller wrestlers over in that time than most other wrestlers (Chris Jericho may trump, but I doubt many others do in the past 15 years). But he’s also a very, VERY funny guy. I don’t know if it’s Glen Jacobs the man who has decided that comedy segments are good for his character, or if it’s Vince McMahon, or multiple other people over the years that have created storylines for him, but it works. It’s always worked. And Kane, I thank you for your fantastic work throughout your career. You’ll always be one of my favourite wrestlers. And one more thing Kane, I really, truly, deeply hope you enjoyed Disneyland. Thanks for reading.
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Here's my first wrestling article in nearly eight months. Enjoy.
I've been thinking of writing this article for over a week. And with an epic 1000th episode of Monday Night Raw occurring yesterday, I thought that I'd forget writing this article due to the state of wrestling changing so quickly on a weekly basis, it may not have been relevant. But after the events of the milestone episode, it's actually done the opposite. It's made this article even more relevant.
What I want to talk to you about today is this chap you might know if you watch wrestling called John Cena. What a career he has had. 35 years old, he's already a 12 time world champion and he doesn't look like he's losing steam any time soon. He's sold more merchandise in the 2000s than any wrestler, he's attracted more fans to the product more than any other wrestler. Since the days of Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock, no one has come really close to the value of John Cena.
People are divided in opinion on John Cena. He's stale, he doesn't sell moves very well, or for very long, his moveset is repetitive and overdone. He's superman, never letting people get over. But he still works his absolute ass off to give as entertaining a product he can possibly give. He cares about wrestling, he cares about the WWE and the fans. There's no denying that. I have a huge amount of respect for the man, despite how certain smarter fans feel about him.
Despite all that John Cena has accomplished, there's just one thing that the man has lacked in his career, in my eyes anyway. And that's a true rivalry. Now before you drop your cereal out of your mouth (or doughnut, hamburger, or any other food you're obviously eating right now, don't deny it), there's someone you might have thought about already - Edge. There's no denying that if there's one man that John Cena can call a rival throughout his career, it's that man.
John Cena and Edge had a long term rivalry from around 2005 to 2010.
They did have some good matches, that's true. The best probably being the TLC Match at Unforgiven 2006. They helped each other become as big stars as they are; John Cena as previously mentioned was the star attraction of the naughties and Edge was one of the finer wrestlers of that decade. They both put each other over many times and had some great segments. Both Edge and John Cena have said in interviews that the other person is their greatest rival in their careers.
So why am I saying Edge isn't the true rival of John Cena? It's hard to explain in some ways. Some key points for me are, for the most part, I don't feel Edge has ever been John Cena's equal. While they did have some very good matches, they had some duds as well. And not only that, but they wrestled each other so often it, similar to Cena's career in some ways, became stale. To have a great rivalry both wrestlers need to be on equal footing in most ways, and I never felt that Edge and Cena really were. Edge was always a step below Cena for most of his career.
What is a true rivalry then? Well the most obvious one to me is Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. While it's well documented that the top star of the Attitude Era was Stone Cold, The Rock was right up there with him. Did The Rock sell as much merchandise or PPVs as Stone Cold? No, I suppose not, although his star power for last year's Wrestlemania was a true shot in that direction. But there is no denying that there were two men that were on top of the Attitude Era and that was those two guys. And they always had amazing matches. Always. Their matches are legendary in the WWE. There's no denying that.
Arguably the greatest wrestling feud in WWE history.
And one thing there is no denying is they were booked quite equally. Sure, Stone Cold didn't put The Rock over until their last match, but the feud, the promos, and the actual wrestling in itself, was equal. The line was drawn very finely; it felt that the only reason why The Rock could not beat Stone Cold was through bad luck, rather than being the inferior wrestler. And the fact that they didn't wrestle against each other very often is another reason why I think it works. John Cena and Edge had countless matches it was boring. I can only think of three or four matches of the top of my head that The Rock and Stone Cold had. I'm sure they may have had more, but it definitely wasn't as many as Edge/Cena.
Which brings me to answer your question of who I think, long term, could be John Cena's truest rival. My answer is simply CM Punk.
There are so many similarities between John Cena and CM Punk and The Rock and Stone Cold. Neither sets of wrestlers wrestled each other often. Cena and The Rock were brought into the WWE by failing at something else first, Cena with bodybuilding and The Rock with American football. CM Punk and Stone Cold had to claw their way to the top of the wrestling ladder; CM Punk had to go through Ring of Honor and had to wait until last year's Summer of Punk before he was finally given the platform to really show what he can do. Stone Cold had failed at WCW and was only brought to the WWE because he was a good technical wrestler, he was never going to be more than an enhancement talent until the amazing 3:16 promo occurred.
The Rock and Stone Cold had fluid matches; they oozed quality for upto half an hour. John Cena and Edge doesn't compare in quality to the Rock/Stone Cold series, not consistently anyway. The Rock, as good a wrestler as he was has a similar problem that John Cena has, in that he had to have the right opponent to have a true quality match. The Rock is a better wrestler overall, at least in my opinion, but still he had that same problem. Where as Stone Cold and CM Punk can have great matches with a variety of opponents. Most importantly, The Rock drove Stone Cold to having world class matches he drove him further than anyone else did in his entire career. I believe John Cena does that with CM Punk. I don't feel Edge did.
CM Punk could be Cena's true rival.
You know what made me think about this? I was so excited to hear about CM Punk vs John Cena last week. Really excited. I loved their two matches last year, at Money in the Bank and at Summerslam. They were the best matches of the year in my opinion, they were so fluid, so special, and you honestly didn't know who was going to win either match. And in the end, CM Punk won both matches. CM Punk walked away champion yesterday as well. Another thing that Stone Cold and CM Punk have in common with their rivals. You get the feeling CM Punk is the bogey wrestler to John Cena that Stone Cold was to The Rock. The Rock has said it himself many times, he didn't feel like he truly was 'the man' until he finally beat Stone Cold. I think it could make a great story to keep CM Punk as Cena's bogey wrestler.
Last night CM Punk turned heel again. At first I was thinking this was a bad move. Why? Because CM Punk is so hot right now in the WWE. He's the first wrestler to finally knock John Cena off merchandise. Sure John Cena is still king of selling the product, but CM Punk is catching up. And shirt sales going in CM Punk's favour is a sign of that. CM Punk, unlike John Cena, is cool with all ages and genders of viewership. It feels inevitable long term that CM Punk might finally be the true top guy in the WWE. The WWE definitely have him as their #2 guy now, finally knocking Randy Orton out of that position. I still feel it may be a bad move, in the respect that CM Punk might be too over to be truly booed. The smarter fans will definitely cheer for him, especially if he does go for this rematch against Cena at Summerslam, which feels inevitable.
But the heel turn, despite of my mixed feelings, means one thing. We should get another, great CM Punk and John Cena match. I don't want Cena/Punk shoved down my throat over the course of the autumn though. One match at Summerslam, and then separate them again. I want John Cena and CM Punk to be the new Rock/Stone Cold. It has truly can be. CM Punk's heel turn, the adjustment in his attitude, makes him opposite Cena again. And of course, it makes him opposite The Rock again, which is another match I desperately want to see at the Royal Rumble. CM Punk/Rock could be great as well.
I'm really looking forward to wrestling again now. John Cena vs CM Punk, Brock Lesnar vs Triple H and Chris Jericho vs Dolph Ziggler seem set for Summerslam. That's an awesome trilogy of matches. I just hope the WWE don't make Cena/Punk stale long term, it has all the ingredients for greatness.
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Finally, Kasabian have made a great album - "Velociraptor!" is their finest work to date.
“Velociraptor!” is Kasabian's fourth album, and was released last October, just over five months ago. Kasabian have been around for a while now, they're an established British band who have found the respect of the British public and have tried to break out to the States, with unfortunately little success. For me and a lot of people I know, Kasabian have been one of those bands who produce quality singles but their album material never keep up. Does "Velociraptor!" follow the same pattern? Here's my take on the album.
The album starts off with "Let's Roll Just Like We Used to", a great opener, it's catchy and full of the material that makes Kasabian one of the better indie bands in recent times. Tom Meighan's Leicester accent has always been the thing that make Kasabian stand out from the rest of the indie crowd, and it's prominent in this opening to the album.
The first single off the album is the second track, "Days Are Forgotten", which is a pretty damn cool track. I love the howling in the beginning of the track and as the choruses fade out. The song was also used on WWE's Pay-Per-View "Tables Ladders and Chairs", which was cool, being a wrestling fan, and it was also great to see Kasabian get some exposure over in America. "Days Are Forgotten" is not as good as some of the other singles in Kasabian's library but it still holds its own amongst them. It's a very good track.
Track three is also the third single off the album, "Goodbye Kiss", which, in my opinion, is easily one of Kasabian's weakest singles in their catalogue. Kasabian as I've said a few times produce fantastic singles, and they're usually very catchy. This song is different from most of their singles, as it's a slower, more bitter romantic track, something they don't do too often. This song was also used in the montage for Formula 1 at the end of the 2011 season.
After track three are five brilliant tracks. The middle of this album is fantastic. Track four is "La Fee Verte", possibly my favourite song on the album. It's excellently similar to The Beatles, and it's sung by guitarist Sergio Pizzorno, and his vocals are surprisingly fantastic. I'm not going to pick favourites in terms of vocals on the album, Tom and Sergio both bring different styles to the album and they're both welcome in my opinion. That being said this song is just awesome. It's crafted beautifully and sung so well. I love it. Track five is the title track, "Velociraptor!", by some distance the shortest track on the album but it packs some excellent punch. It's similar to a lot of their singles actually, although it's a bit more fast paced. I'm surprised this hasn't been released as a single yet. It's catchy, a little funky and just sounds really cool in general. Nothing more really needs to be said about it really!
The sixth track, "Acid Turkish Bath" is also sung by the guitarist Sergio and once again it's another well sung, well balanced track. But this time the vocals aren't what makes the song, it's the drums and the violin. This song for me shows the band expanding their horizons a little. Kasabian use an orchestra and this is the first track on the album where you can definitely here it. I really like this song and it's one of my favourites on the album again. Track seven is "I Hear Voices", which sounds good for the most part, but the one thing I really dislike about it is the frustrating new indie/modern new wave electronic music that they've decided to put in the song. It's a personal pet peeve, but I hate this new indie/electronica hybrid that's been around recently, like MGMT and Foster the People. That sound is a sound that I really hate, and to see Kasabian use it annoyed me slightly. But the song otherwise is really good, I like the chorus a lot.
After that is the second single off the album "Re-wired", which is fine. All three singles on this album are quite good but they pale in comparison to some of the stuff they've released in the past 9 years. "Re-wired" sounds good on this album, but when you compare it to some of the great tracks Kasabian have released as singles in the past, like "Empire", "Club Foot" and "Fire", it just doesn't sound like it's on the same level.
But the rest of the album keeps up with these singles very well. "Velociraptor!" the album, is great. I've already said that some of my favourite tracks on this album are the non-singles, and it's true. Because the singles aren't as good as the older material, yet the album quality is much better, the album is overall a very balanced piece of music. It's a strange situation, but the singles lacking in quality a little makes the rest of the album stand out, which is great. This album is critically Kasabian's best work. I'm not the only person who has said this, many critics have and it's true. "Velociraptor!" is their finest work to date.
The rest of the album drops the quality down a little notch, but the best of the three end tracks is the penultimate track, "Switchblade Smiles", which has been used on the new FIFA 12 game (and also part of my "Best of FIFA Trax Mixtape, you can read that here), as well as on Match of the Day 2. This is the most electronic Kasabian have become, and it's not in an annoying indietronica/modern new wave way like in "I Hear Voices", it really kicks ass with the electronic guitars and the electronica music. It's almost Muse-esque, which is a compliment I swear.
Overall "Velociraptor!" is a great album. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's by far Kasabian's best effort and the album songs are good tracks and support the singles well. It's a balanced album, that tries new things while keeps the elements that make Kasabian stand out a little from all the other indie bands. "Velociraptor!" is Kasabian's finest work to date and well worth a listen if you enjoy Kasabian's singles by norm, and want to get one of their albums. Kasabian usually fail to deliver the goods on their albums, but they've proved me and a lot of other critics wrong. "Velociraptor!" is a cracker of an album, and well worth the risk if you're thinking of purchasing their album.
Rating: ****1/4 stars
Stand out tracks: "La Fee Verte", "Velociraptor!", "Acid Turkish Bath"
Here's the music video for the first single, "Days Are Forgotten":
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Hey there,
welcome to my newest Q&A session. Before I get to that I want to plug once again the fact that I was on TV last week, you can see my appearance in the top right of this page if you haven't already. Also at the top right of this page is a link to my epic 31,000 word article on my amazing journey to appearing on TV to do Winter Wipeout. If you didn't know that already and are interested, definitely check it out. My article has been well received universally, although people have said it was too long and they're not wrong!
In other news, I've hit a new site record this month, it's possible I could hit 6000 pageviews by the end of the month tomorrow, which will be a first. Thank you all so much for all the support you give me, I love doing this and the more support I get the more likely it is I could actually do this as a job one day. We can all dream.
Back to the actual topic at hand, Q&A Part 8. I do these every month and as always, these questions are all taken off my Formspring account, which you can find here. These were answered a while ago, and I've changed the answers if the situation has changed since then. Enjoy!
Q: What is your favorite cartoon character?
A: Difficult, I'd probably go with Captain Caveman, or Dick Dastardly. Both very old school, retro cartoon characters.
Q: How much TV do you usually watch in a day?
A: Not that much anymore, if video games count then maybe three or four hours. If we're talking watching television then it's extremely rare now. I spend more time on the computer than watching TV.
Q: Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?
A: I don't believe in ghosts, it's difficult to explain why, I just think very scientifically, and don't think it has a place in science. I know that people say "science can't explain everything" but I disagree, I just think we don't understand certain things yet.
Q: If you could live in any house you wanted to, what would it look like?
A: Difficult question, the possibilities are endless! I've always wanted a big gaming room, and a pool. I've wanted to collect fantasy swords too so probably a room for that. There's probably more but I can't think of them at the moment.
Q: What's more important - who you know or what you know?
A: It depends, if it's work related, who you know. Anything else I'd say what you know.
Q: If you had a day to volunteer, where would you volunteer?
A: I'd volunteer as creative writer for WWE, and hope that my day volunteering got me a permanent job there with my "amazing" ideas.
Q: What things do you do to stay healthy?
A: I don't try that hard, it's not as important to me as it is to other people. I try to eat fruit every day.
Q: Best wrestling match whose story wasn't told inside the ring?
A: The CM Punk/John Cena storyline, otherwise known as "The Summer of Punk" was a great one recently. I'm also really enjoying Daniel Bryan's slow heel turn, which is a better story out of the ring than in it.
Q: When you're lost, are you more likely to ask for directions or find your way without help?
A: It depends on the scenario, I usually try to find a place on my own but if I'm really stuck, I'm not afraid to ask.
Q: Olof Mellberg is what would result if Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Chuck Norris had a love child. Agree?
A: Odd question but definitely. Although the image of Olof Mellberg even though he hasn't been in the Premier League for a few years now still scares me.
Q: Would you rather watch a movie in the theatre or at home?
A: At home as I can get comfortable easily, but watching a movie in the cinema is a great experience as well.
Q: What are you most excited about today?
A: I'm about to put on the Royal Rumble, my favourite PPV of the year. Excited!
Q: What's your favorite kind of snack to eat?
A: Chocolate.
Q: What do you think the world will be like in 50 years?
A: I think the world won't change much in terms of advancements in technology in 50 years time, as time moves on less impact is happening. Same applies to science. England probably still not winning the World Cup is still a high possibility.
Q: What movie are you most looking forward to seeing?
A: The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, although I might not be able to afford to see it.
Q: What's your favorite clothing brand?
A: Primark? I really, REALLY don't care for brands of clothing.
Q: What's the biggest risk you've ever taken? Are you glad you took it or do you regret it?
A: Meeting my wife. I travelled as a sixteen year old over 300 miles down the country on the train, on a nine hour ride. And fuck yes it was worth it.
Q: What qualities do you look for when you're dating someone?
A: Honesty and to be able to tolerate me and my extremely set ways. I will do the same in return.
Q: What's the first thing you check when you turn on your computer?
A: Like most people, Facebook
Q: What would you do if you won the lottery?
A: So many things. Most importantly, make every person I love unconditionally financially secure and have something that they love.
And that's my latest Formspring update. Once again if you want to follow me on Formspring you can do so here. I'll be back on Wednesday for my 1993 in Music review. Have a good night.
For the latest updates on my work, 'like' me on Facebook here!
For the past 6 weeks I've been asking you to choose the best world champions that ever were in the WWE. It came to the final between Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Undertaker.
And your winner is...
THE UNDERTAKER
The Undertaker won 13 votes to 10. It was a very close competition and both are deserving of the title of best WWE World Champion of all time. I haven't got much else to say other than thank you for all your votes and this little time waster of a game. Here's a video celebrating the career of The Undertaker!
For the latest updates on my work, 'like' me on Facebook here!
Note:
This is part 4 of 6. I'm posting one part a day. The total word count
exceeds 31,000 words so it's going to be a long read. If you missed part 1 you can read it by clicking here, part 2 here and part 3 here!
So I had posed on the rotator table and posed next to the house. Lastly,
was the interview with Amanda Byram! Now, it’s amazing how many people who knew
I was appearing on Winter Wipeout have asked about meeting Amanda. Amanda was
just lovely; she was as genuine off camera as she was on camera. She thoroughly
enjoys her job of meeting wacky Brits and being wacky with them, before
laughing at them fail on a difficult obstacle course, falling into water and
mud. But she’s also really supportive when we do things right and feels sorry
for you if you fail badly, as I’d find out. In terms of Amanda Byram’s looks,
well, I didn’t think as much of her as a lot of people do, sure she’s a good
looking lady but a lot of people fancy the pants off her, while I never did.
That being said, she’s a lot prettier in person than she is on the TV. She’s
very good looking actually in person. But in honesty, that’s not the thing that
stands out the most to me about Amanda. What’s awesome about Amanda is that she
doesn’t see herself as a celebrity, nor does she separate herself from the rest
of the crew. She hangs out with them, she is one of them. Sure she’s on the TV
while the rest of the crew aren’t, but she sees no reason to have special
attention when she’s off camera. When we ate our dinner later on, she was
sitting with the rest of the crew, her hair tied up, wearing a Total Wipeout
hoodie (all the crew have them on). That speaks levels I say, in a world where
celebrities see themselves as a superior race to those who film them. Amanda
isn’t a celebrity in her eyes, she’s a presenter doing a job that she loves,
and is nice to everyone and anyone she sees.
Anyway,
onto the interview. Naturally, out of the five in our group, I was once again
last. Nick came up to us and told us an outline of what would happen in the
interview. She was to ask me these questions, and told me to think about
answers to them. The questions she asked me basically are my chances of
winning, how long I grew the beard for, if I have any inspirational beardy
people, and about my nutrition. I rolled my eyes at the last one; I had no idea
that they were going to bring that up! Damn my lack of interest in veggies and
fruit! Everyone had their interviews with Amanda, and in honesty, I couldn’t
hear what everyone else’s interviews consisted of. They were a little too far away
from the sitting area that we were at. At the sitting area were some fruit, so
I had a banana. See I do like fruit… some anyway! When it was my turn to have
my interview I have to be honest and say, I wasn’t nervous. Have I met
celebrities before? Not really, I’ve been to some gigs and met the lead singer
from one of my favourite obscure bands (Guy McKnight of The Eighties Matchbox
B-Line Disaster), but other than that, I haven’t been in contact with any TV
stars or anything. But the whole experience was so surreal that it didn’t
really bother me that I was about to meet Amanda Byram. I was quite cool about
it. So I walked up to her and she says quite enthusiastically, “Hello John!”,
and we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Yes, I kissed Amanda Byram on
the cheek. Jealous? It’s not that big a deal! Anyway, they had to prepare the
cameras so while they did, Amanda and I had a little chat. It was the only chat
I personally had with her, but that doesn’t matter, it was pretty cool. We were
whispering and she asked me how I felt, I just told her how surreal the whole
thing is. She told me not to worry and to enjoy myself. That was basically all
we said, but it was nice to see her reassuring me. Not much time went before
everyone was ready and we started filming.
Amanda was lovely in person. She saw herself as a crew member of Endemol, not above anyone because of her celebrity status.
I
answered Amanda’s questions; I said who knows if I can win, I’ll be considered
an underdog that’s for sure, that I grew my beard for five months at that
point. She was surprised at that, she thought I had grown it for a much longer
period. In response to beardy inspirations naturally I went for the Henry VIII
comparison, one that many people have mentioned. I look like the old king of
England and in honesty I’m not ashamed of that. I didn’t have a clue that this
reply would have been the outline of my segment of the show! Lastly we talked
about my nutrition, I basically explained that I didn’t used to eat veg or much
fruit, but for over a year I’ve had to readjust my diet. That was basically it.
The interview was quite plain in comparison to what you see on the usual
episode of Wipeout, but I answered my questions with confidence. The one thing
I liked was that Amanda called me an aspiring journalist rather than an
administration assistant in the NHS. Without trying to disrespect my job, the
NHS or my service, I’d rather be remembered as the freelance journalist. It’s
what I want to do in the future and it’s why you’re on this site at the moment.
It’s my aspiration, so it was nice. I gave them the option in honesty; they
never really asked me what I would prefer to be called. I put both titles on my
application forms and to the end; it was their decision to call me an aspiring
journalist. I’m very happy they did.
The
group of five returned back to the tent and we all relaxed for a little bit. A
few people were there, but we were basically waiting for everyone to finish
wrapping up the pre-course aspect of the show. Eventually everyone did, and
then we were told to go to the section where they do the intro of the episode.
The intro, if you can’t remember or haven’t seen Wipeout, is on a large
circular platform, and has all twenty contestants jumping up and down on the
spot while the camera hovers above them. It shows some individual face shots of
some contestants. They merge this section with clips of the show of people
falling off things, while Richard Hammond introduces us to the new episode. So
we all got ready on this platform to jump up and down. This was the first time
we really got instructed by Andy, the producer, rather than Maisie. We were encouraged
to jump up and down and scream and shout as loud as possible. That’s all fine
and dandy, but we had to do this for around 3 minutes solid. Then we weren’t
loud enough so we had to do it again! So here we all were, shouting “WOO!
YEAH!” and other variations for what felt like forever, while my feet were
starting to hurt from jumping up and down on the same spot for so long.
Eventually, the camera man started zooming in on our faces individually and we
all did random poses in front of it. What did I do? I stroked the beard of
course! Not only that but the cameraman seemed to like me a lot and zoomed
RIGHT IN to my beard. I didn’t know what to do so I just shook my chin at him.
I have no idea why, but I did!
The intro to Winter Wipeout. 20 loonies jumping up and down on the spot and shouting for what feels like eternity.
After
that was finished, it was time for Andy to talk us through the qualifier. He
took us from the start to the finish and talked about techniques and advice.
First was the snowmen. The snowmen are basically platforms for you to jump on.
Some are held together while others are unstable and if you put your feet in
the wrong places you go straight into the water. The second part was Granny’s
House. If you didn’t know by now, Granny’s House is a narrow walkway that has
two big blue doors that smack you in the face. The first blue door has a little
rotating arm that knocks you over if you hesitate. Between the two blue doors
is a dog that knocks you over if you don’t jump over it. This time however you
don’t fall into water, you fall into a big pit of mud. The third part of the
course was the infamous big red balls. The big red balls are the most iconic
part of the show. Basically you had to travel down an escalator and jump from
one big red ball to the next. The big red balls are high above water, and it’s
a long fall if you don’t clear them. Not many people actually beat the big red
balls so it’s usually considered a huge achievement if you clear them. Lastly
is the log jam. Log jam is two large platforms that move from side to side and
try to get you into the water. The first log has a red bar that you have to
jump over before you jump onto the second log. After the second log is the
finish platform, a decent length away, and you’d have to get a nice clean jump
to get on the finishing platform in one go. The course for Winter Wipeout, and
I promise I’m not just saying this because I did so badly on it, is much harder
than the Total Wipeout courses. Everything feels like its entire purpose to
knock you into the water, where as some sections of the older courses had nice
parts. Proof in this is also that the times were often a lot slower for the
Winter edition than the normal edition.
We
were then told the order in which we were to do the course! Andy announced
there and then the order. I kept waiting for my name to come up. What was the
common theme in my Winter Wipeout experience? You heard me, I was last! Again!
I kept waiting and waiting for my name to come out, but it never did until they
announced who would be doing the course last. Now, a lot of people thought I’d
be disappointed with this, and in a small way I was. After doing the intro
section, jumping up and down over and over again for ages, and looking at the
actual course close up, my blood was pumping. But I’d rather be last than, say,
sixth, because then I’d have to calm myself down before building myself up
again in a short amount of time. Being last meant I could wind down for a bit,
get focused, and then just go for it. Andy announced that the first ten had to
get ready, while the second ten had to go and get some lunch. So me and the other
nine people who were going between 11th and 19th, all
went to lunch in a much larger tent.
Lunch
was quite nice actually. It was a basic pasta dish with meatballs. We all just
relaxed, while the first ten contestants were getting their arses handed to them
by the Winter Wipeout course. After we finished lunch we went back to the tent
and just waited. Some of the contestants were there waiting already. The idea
was that there were two tents, one that had the contestants that already did
the course, and one yet to do it. That way it was fair; no one was allowed to
see each other do the course and then the people who have done the course have
to separate themselves from the people who didn’t. It was quite well done to be
fair. So after lunch we had to wait, and wait and wait. Slowly the numbers
started to go, people went in threes or fours to do the course and because I
was last, I had to wait a long time. I’d estimate times between people doing
the course took around 15 to 20 minutes, depending on how bad or well they did,
and how much of the course they needed reset. It was getting quite late when I
did it, probably around 5pm.
In
the end there were four of us left. The last four? It was me, Natalie, Sam and
Ben. When it was our turn to come up, my nerves started to go. I was about to
do something that I’d always wanted to do. Something that would appear on
television in front of around 4 million people. Something that I would take
with me to the grave. Something so hard in task, I knew all a long I’d struggle.
But there was no turning back now. I was in Argentina, doing the Wipeout
course. Did I think about turning back? A little, but I knew I couldn’t. I knew
I had no choice. But most of me didn’t want to turn back, most of me wanted to
embrace this opportunity, something that only just over 1000 other Brits have
done.
The final four to take the course! They change the lineup round on the actual show. I was last! Ben, Natalie, myself and Sam. Thanks to Ben for this picture!
We
had to take the back entrance to the Wipeout course, to avoid spotting anyone
doing the course there and then. We were lead by Millie I think, to a hill.
This hill looked familiar. It was the hill at the start of the Total Wipeout
course. In the first few series of Total Wipeout they used to show characters
at the top of the hill. It used to be there that Amanda did the interviews. So
I recognised it instantly. It gave me another set of butterflies, knowing I
too, would walk up that hill soon. We were taken behind the hill, to a section
where there were some Endemol Argentina crew members. They were to put the blue
protection gear on us, the ones you see all the contestants wear. This gear was
to help you protect against large body shots, but more importantly, to keep you
afloat in the water. You simply couldn’t drown on the Winter Wipeout course,
unless you kept your head under water in a stupid way anyway!
So
the last four, Ben, Sam, Natalie and myself, were behind this hill where we
were sized up for our protection gear. Naturally, I was last again. On a stump
was a piece of paper with everyone’s names, and the size gear they had. Most
people naturally, were wearing Medium or Large protection gear, with the
exception of poor Jody, who was so small she had to have an Extra Small. Myself
however, I was the only one who was too big to fit in Large. They tried but
weren’t able to fit me in the outfit. It was a little embarrassing; despite
losing up to two stone I still was too big. They put me in the Extra Small, so
Jody and I were on polar opposites for protection gear!
So
we all started to get the adrenaline running by jumping up and down on the
spot, did a bit of stretching, just to get the blood flowing. One by one, our
numbers went. As I said, we were behind the hill but if you looked up, you
could see the starting platform, where people did their shoutouts. I think the
order was Sam, then Ben, then Natalie then me. So Sam went, and then the nerves
really started to kick in. Then Ben went, and I was trying my best to keep
myself as calm as possible. Then it was just me and Natalie. We just looked at
each other in an “oh my god” type of way. We just couldn’t believe what was
about to happen. Then, Natalie went, and I was on my own. Can I just say, we
could hear certain things from behind that hill, which was happening on the
course. We couldn’t tell you what happened really, but we sometimes heard
certain machinery or falls into water, that type of thing. It gave us a small
indication on how bad or well people did, and what the machinery sounded like.
So, there I was, the last to go, standing behind the hill waiting for my cue.
As I said there were probably 20 or 30 minutes or so between each person, so I
was waiting a while. At the top of the hill was Maisie, as I said it was in
theory ‘her’ show so she was the person who gave us our last words before the
qualifier. After Natalie did her thing, Maisie eventually called me up. I took
a deep breath and walked down the side of the hill, and then took the long walk
up the hill.
I
could see the course from the side of the hill. Now that I was about to do it,
the nerves and butterflies were at an all time high. I could see the top of the
hill, where the starting platform was. I walked towards Maisie who told me not
to worry as there’s been some amazing times today and that it’s been an amazing
show from everyone. These words were supposed to reassure me but they did the
opposite. I don’t blame Maisie for that, by the way. She was trying to get me
hyped up and confident, but it’s my own insecurities and lack of confidence
that made the reassurance work the wrong way. In my eyes, everyone doing really
well was bad for me, in a competitive way. If everyone was good, the chances of
me getting through to the second round were slim. She told me that I had to
stand in the middle of the platform, and either do some posing or warm up. Then
on cue with the main camera, I was to do my shoutout as loud as I can. Then,
after a certain amount of time, the horn would go and I would do the qualifier.
So,
here I was. At the start of the Winter Wipeout qualifier. My mind kept racing
about what I was about to do. I looked in front of me and saw the beginning of
the course – the snowmen. Round the side I could see the beginning of Granny’s
House. I knew further along were the Big Red Balls and then the Log Jam.
I
want to tell you here and now, this moment was the most terrifying of all in
this entire experience. Seeing the course with my own two eyes, not on a camera
looking down at the course, not from the side of the course, the course right
there and in front of you, was horrible. I bricked it terribly. It really
dawned on me what I was about to do and it wasn’t going to be nice.
So
I jogged on the spot, did some stretches for a bit, eventually the cue came on
for me to look at the camera and do my shoutout. I looked at the camera and
said “This is for all the bearded men out there, I’m going to show you the
way!”, but it wasn’t loud enough. I jogged on the spot a bit more and waited
for my second take. This time I said it better. And that was it.
Everything
I had done so far amounted to this moment right here and now. Watching “101
Ways to Leave a Gameshow” and seeing “The Human Fling”. Finding out there was
no new series and instead opting to apply for Total Wipeout. Getting to the
audition in August. Reaching the shortlist two days later. Getting my
vaccinations. Going to Argentina, meeting the other contestants and Amanda. It
all came down to this. I was so nervous, but I was as ready as I was going to
be. I was just waiting for that horn to go off. It felt like a million years.
But this was it! I was about to do the qualifier! Me vs the Winter Wipeout
course! A place in the next round at stake and an opportunity to win £10,000!
The horn went and it all began!
Nothing can prepare you for being on that podium, looking down at the course. No training, no preparation. Nothing.
So
the horn went off and I ran towards the snow men. If you haven’t seen the show
there are two sets of snowmen to choose, some on your left and on your right. I
instinctively went to my right. I jumped for the first snowman no problems. I
then jumped to the second snowman and it went forwards. I divided for the next
platform and had hold of it with my hands. I tried my hardest to hold on, to
try and pick myself up and pull upwards but I just didn’t have the strength,
and fell into the water.
So close yet so far away. Who knows how well I would have done if I cleared the snowmen? Nah, it wouldn't have made much difference.
It
was my first taste of the Wipeout water and it was then I really realised what
mountain a task I was up against. The water was so deep, incredibly deep. And
the protection gear was helping me to keep afloat. I recovered as quickly as I
can and coughed a little, I had a mouth full of water. I knew I had to react
quickly if I had any chance of beating the qualifier. The protection gear I was
in however, made it incredibly difficult to swim, its purpose was to keep you
afloat and it kept pushing me upwards when I kept attempting to do the front
crawl but struggled for two reasons; the protective gear and the deep deep
water. I’m not a bad swimmer, I’m not great either but I can swim in the deep
end of a standard pool but this was much deeper than that. It felt like I was
completely engulfed by the water and the protection gear really made things
harder. It’s no excuse for my performance; I got 19th because I
wasn’t good enough, not because of the protection gear or the water. But I
really struggled.
I
started to swim towards Granny’s House before realising that I was going the
wrong way – I had two more snowmen to cross. I started to backtrack towards the
second ladder and it was here and then, that I confess, that I felt like
forfeiting.
I
really struggled in that water and by going the wrong way, my time felt like it
was at least 3 minutes. Obviously I had no idea what my time was, but that’s
what I had estimated in my head. Most people who go through the next round do
it in less than 4 minutes, and I was not even at the halfway point, so what was
the point in continuing? I really wanted to quit, but I then thought to myself
– no! Don’t quit! You beat tens or hundreds of thousands of people just to get
here! You beat thousands in the auditions for this opportunity! Only around
1000 people from Britain have done it before you! Don’t you even DARE quit! So
I swam towards the ladder and started to climb.
I went the wrong way. So embarassing.
If
you saw Episode 5 of this series of Winter Wipeout and saw the final, you saw
someone struggle terribly on the ladder. I’m telling you, I knew his pain.
These ladders are horrible. The legs of the ladders are tiny, it’s hard to get
your feet in each step. Then the worst part is the tops of the ladders. Now,
some of the ladders have a tiny bit of rope for you to use to pull yourself up,
but most of them don’t. So all you have are two stumps at the sides of the top
of the ladders, to try and pull against, to get you up. The guy on Episode 5
did the finale in around 10 minutes because of this. I felt his pain because I
too struggled with these ladders, although thankfully not as much.
I
eventually pulled myself up the ladder and saw the second set of snowmen. I was
so tired at that point, and as I said, I wasn’t even through the first section.
So jumped onto the first of the second set of snowmen and it was fine. The
second snowman, I knew was going to fall. But, how could I do anything about
it? I hadn’t the energy to jump far enough quick enough to make the next
platform. It felt like suicide. I knew what was going to happen. So I jumped,
and stuck my leg out to try and land on the next platform but the second
snowman once again tipped forwards and my leg wasn’t far enough to get to the
platform, and it was a second trip in the drink.
I knew I was going to fall again but what could I do? It felt like committing suicide, knowing what was coming.
I
swam as fast as I could to Granny’s House. My front crawl, my strongest swim,
wasn’t working. So I thought I’d try swimming on my back; I can kick quite well
with my legs so I tried this method. It also sucked, possibly more so than the
front crawl. I eventually made my way up the smaller ladder towards Granny’s
House. They didn't show me doing Granny's House on TV which was a shame. So there I was, at the first door at Granny’s House, which was
absolutely terrifying.
You
see, when you watch Winter Wipeout or Total Wipeout all you hear is Richard
Hammond’s commentary and some music, with panned in sounds of people getting
hurt and dramatic screams that are also edited in. But when you’re doing that
course, you hear nothing. Absolutely nothing, but machinery. You need to
remember that these are large leavers that are operated, to try and knock you
off or knock you down. That’s their sole intent is to get you in that water or
in that mud. And they’re machines! They don’t have human feelings! I don’t know
if they’re controlled by the crew, so I can’t comment if they are automatic or
operated. So just remember that when you watch the show, and think about how
easy this course may be.
So
I got to the first door, which was opening and closing at me. It felt like it
was teasing me. I hadn’t the energy or more importantly, the balls, to go for
it. I actually bottled it I’m embarrassed to say. I could have dived downwards
towards the platform but I didn’t want to get hurt. I tried to time myself so
it wouldn’t hit me and somehow, I managed it! It was a first success for me!
Then I ran towards the dog, Tevez as Richard Hammond hilariously calls it, and
I didn’t raise my legs high enough and it knocked me into the mud.
The
mud, unlike the water, was filthy. I felt stones, or at least hard bits of mud,
all over the place. I got it everywhere, including my shoes. But the good news
is that it was nowhere near as deep as that water, so I didn’t struggle too
much with it. I climbed up the next ladder and looked towards the next section.
I timed my run badly, and felt at this point I’d actually hit at least 6
minutes, very very slow basically.
What
was next? It was the Big Red Balls of course! Now, everyone looks forward to
the Big Red Balls. It’s the best part of the show. But me, at that point I
really didn’t want that to be the next part. I wished it was earlier in the
qualifier, that way I’d be more prepared. So I dreaded this section and walking
up that walkway towards the escalator was horrible. And of course, once you’re
on the escalator that’s it, there’s only one way to go and that’s forward. So I
was reluctant to go on at first before I just gave up and stood on it. The
escalator was horrible, it was quite bumpy and the bars underneath pokes at my
feet. It felt like suicide again, I knew I wasn’t going to beat the Red Balls
and was going to fall into the water, and there was nothing I could do about
it. I saw the Big Red Balls more and more as I was going further and further on
the escalator. I didn’t actually run on it at all, I just stood there, I was so
tired at that point running for the Big Red Balls felt like it was going to be
a mistake. So I saw the balls, before I realised, there was only three there!
There was one more that was hidden from my view, growing in size below me! I
was aiming for the second ball when I thought it was the first! There was
virtually no time to react or adjust, and I ended up falling pretty much
vertically, downwards as I barely jumped to hit the Red Ball. I front of the
first Big Red Ball, and fell to the water.
I was so tired by the time I got to the escalator I just stood there. Embarrassing.
I’d
like to say, well, the whole qualifier was embarrassing for me but nothing
compared to this. This was the climatic part of the show, and I didn’t even hit
a Big Red Ball properly. I’m really upset about this, because even though I had
an amazing experience from start to finish, doing the Big Red Balls is a dream,
and I barely got to experience it. I at least wanted to hit one Big Red Ball
and was going to go for the cautious tactic, but it fell completely flat when I
didn’t realise the first Red Ball was as close to the escalator as it was. So,
that’s why I’m upset and disappointed in myself about that.
The
worst thing about falling into the water before the first Red Ball was that I
had to swim the length of the four balls. That felt like it took forever. As I
said, I had given up on qualifying for the next round at the first part of the
course, never mind the Big Red Balls. I estimated it was at least 10 minutes by
this point. I felt that I had joined the 10 minute club, an embarrassing club
of people who have done the course in more than 10 minutes. Swimming passed
each Red Ball was horrible, because it just took so long, and I was struggling
to swim in this water anyway, because as I said, it was so deep and the
protective gear felt like a hindrance as it just felt like it was pushing my
body upwards when I wanted to go on my side.
Falling backwards to the front of the first ball meant I had to swim the full length of the four balls. For the second time, I was so close to quitting.
That
was the second time I was close to giving up. I knew for a fact that I hadn’t
qualified. I was embarrassed. Everyone else had reportedly done really well and
I just wanted to get off the course, go back to the hotel and go home. I felt
awful. I was struggling to do the course really badly and was so tired. But
then my mind once again started thinking about how DARE I quit! I’ve come so
far it’s too late to turn back! So I fought on, I didn’t want to quit. I’m not
really a quitter. I’m a struggler, but I’m not a quitter! So I continued to
swim on, and eventually swam across the course of the four balls and back up to
a ladder. This ladder I really struggled with, as there was no bit of rope to
help you pull up, so I only had the two sides of the ladder.
Next
up was the final part of the course, the log jam. I thought the log jam would
be the easiest part of the course, and in a certain way, it is. It’s still
horrible though. I jumped to the first log, and it started moving forwards and
backwards, trying to knock me off. I managed to hold on, the red bar actually
helped me in this case, I just clung on to it as much as I could to avoid
falling, but also to help me get on my feet. I was absolutely knackered at that
point and I held on with sheer will more than anything. I clung on and slowly,
gingerly, got up on the log. It stopped moving so aggressively, and I saw the
second log. I jumped to the second log, and I made it! Another success story in
this terrible terrible display! Woo! Now there was one more jump to attempt
before I got to the end of the course. I wanted to end this performance on a
high note. I landed on the second log and once again, it kept moving forwards
and backwards to try and knock me to the water. I held on, and once again,
tentatively got to my feet. I saw the finishing podium. I was about to make my
jump and then the log quickly gave way underneath me. I was so tired and out of
it by that point that I didn’t even make an attempt to hold on. I fell onto my
back, and slid into the water for the final time in the qualifier. What I
didn’t remember doing was falling on my back. Looking back at the clips, I
really hit my back hard on the log, but I don’t remember any of that at all, it
happened so quickly. I made my last swim, this time to the finishing podium and
crawled up the stairs, and onto the target. I stood up, put my hands in the air
to resemble some kind of pose and then looked at everyone.
Success! I jump from one log to the other! One of the few success stories in my performance. I had no chance with the second though, the way it was moving.
I
felt awful. I felt like I was the worst contestant they’d ever had. I had to
have hit 15 minutes, surely, that’s what I felt. I didn’t know my actual time
until a bit later on. I looked at Amanda, who was looking at me with her
microphone, ready for the post qualifier interview. I said, “I’m sorry.” Amanda
replied, “Don’t be! What are you sorry for?”, in which I replied, “I felt like
I’ve let everyone down.” You know what made things worse? As I was on the last
log, I saw from a distance, everyone coming out. All the contestants. I was
last and because I took one of the longest they obviously brought everyone out
early. I didn’t know that at the time and thought they’d all seen my horror
show.
My time was 6:25, but it felt like 15 minutes when I was doing it. I felt like the worst contestant they ever had.
I
had agreed beforehand that I’d do some form of Randy Savage elbow drop into the
water when I finished the course, paying homage to my love of the wrestling
business. I didn’t want to do it as I was so embarrassed and tired. I just
asked, “Can I go down the stairs?” in which Amanda agreed, softly, as she knew
that I was so upset. I still had to go through the water though, so I got to
the bottom step and dived into the water, and swam to the exit. I got to the
exit and one of the Endemol Argentina crew came up to me and said in broken
English “my brudda!” and gave me hug. He wanted a picture with me; he too had a
beard and obviously understood my message to support bearded people. He was
awesome; it was a really nice moment actually, seeing this guy want a picture
with me because of the bearded connection despite me sucking badly on the
Winter Wipeout course. After that I had to have my interview with Amanda.
I
don’t remember much of the interview to be honest. I know I was incredibly
negative about my performance, and I don’t think they liked that much, which is
understandable. But the simple truth was I was. I was so embarrassed, so upset,
so angry with myself for performing so badly that I couldn’t help be negative.
Amanda was saying stuff like the weight of the beard holding me down, and jokes
like that but I just wasn’t really up for jokes, although Amanda was just doing
her job. I remember Amanda saying “it wasn’t easy was it?”, with me replying
that I didn’t expect it to be easy but I wanted to do it. The quote they used on TV was "I wasn't prepared for that at all", which was portrayed funnily on the show but in seriousness, it wasn't. That's how I genuinely felt, and it was said in a negative way not in a sarcastic way. I remember saying
that it wasn’t a good performance to represent bearded people well but that it
was a performance that was a good performance to represent not giving up, and
that I twice thought of giving up on the course but powered on. After the interview I had a towel to dry
myself down with and a blue Powerade drink for energy. I wasn’t finished yet
though as I had to have another interview off the course with a researcher. It
was Millie and I had to answer her questions, but in a way that said the
question in my answer, for instance, Millie asked me how it felt to do the
course and I had to reply “I felt the course was really difficult”. I basically
said that I found the course to be really difficult, and that I almost gave up
twice but ploughed through it. It was a similar interview and it was also negative,
but in honesty, I just wanted to get out of there and fast. I was so exhausted,
so upset and angry and embarrassed and wanted to get off the course and far
away.
My interview with Amanda was really negative. I'm sure it's the main reason why they didn't show much of it.
What happened after I finished the course? And what of are my thoughts of seeing the rest of the show in person? Come back here tomorrow to find out in Part 5 of 6 of My
Winter Wipeout Experience!
If you haven't seen it yet you can see my performance, which was edited by Episode 5 contestant Gemma Murdock below!
Everything that was great in WWF Smackdown 1 was vastly improved in Smackdown 2... apart from the graphics I'd say! The music was much better, the customisation was top notch, all the unlockables were good and very detailed. The Season mode was far more slick and in depth. Simply, everything was so much better in Smackdown 2 and I spent many many hours playing through this game, creating my characters, creating multiple characters and trying to also create newer wrestlers who came into the WWF/WWE too.
